Don't know how much longer I can endure this!

[tested metal]

I am passive in communication, but do speak up if something truely bothers me enough.

For instance I would not speak up how it bothered me if W came home at 5 am. after being at the bar for fear of being seen as controlling. She would ask me permission to go out and stay out (not that i demanded permission or controlled her at all), and I would constantly tell her that she doesn't need my permission. She was my spouse, not my possession.

It seems like maybe she was cueing me to keep her in check by saying no, but I wanted her to be home with me, to be with me, not because she felt she had to. The aggressive part came in when she would return home so drunk, she would run to the bathroom all night and puke, or ask me to put a garbage pail by the bed. I finally told her if she was going to get that drunk then she was on her own with taking care of herself. I also didn't think she was setting a good example for our infant daughter and asked her to please reduce the drinking and come home earlier.

Finally, she just kept doing it more frequently to the point that when I started requesting she stay home because I was afraid that she would just repeat the same routine; She would promise that she would limit what she drank and would be home by a certain time. She would still come back home drunk at 5 am. She had already started her affair and didn't care.

If i would have not been so passive aggressive about the ordeal it probably would have been better. (at least it couldn't have hurt)

This story is not so much about what the W did, but how my role with sending mixed messages had played into our problems.

I am glad this is helping someone. I would like to thank folks for listening and challeging me, because I need it. Thank you!