Being thankful and praying

[25yearsmlc]

Two and two now.....

Oh well, let me clarify a little....

H's traveling in the past - I think he is powerful enough in the company to lessen the amount of travel he was doing.... had he given them enough justification. But he didn't. Put two and two together. But thats past now and I understand that was the time he was falling for OW really hard.

Present situation - if H really desired so, he also is powerful enought to say that OW is no longer needed.

so b/c of Your fears about your h's possible behavior, she should lose her job? Am I really the only person who thinks that's unfair?


Truth to tell, I think they could survive without her, but she would be the most logical choice as of now because she performed well during the time she was working for them (before she went to the US for her post doc leave).

Caveat: The research project won't last forever, give or take another year or two and they will be done with OW's country, and they will be starting studies in Europe and the US. Hopefully then OW's role will be done by then.


then there's an end in sight anyhow.

Intermediaries won't work, I agree with 25.

And oh, by the way, even if OW says now that she is not interested because H is married (notice the qualifier, if he were not married then what?),

3 men overtly sought me when I was in the military. I said I was married. I guess I COULD have said "and even if I were not married I would not be interested" -- but I left it at "I'm married."

I would NOT read into what she said and assume she implied anything. She didn't need to.

He was not available so she didn't consider him as an option. I see that as totally reasonable. It's the normal thing to say. She MAY have had feelings for him OR she may have tried to let him down gently...

I mean, she needs the job, right?


initially she did reciprocate in a sense by acknowledging that there was something special between them (soulmate or something similar, as H described to me long ago). I doubt she ever said ILY to him though.

They cut it off after Thanksgiving last year, then when their contact resumed it was more friendly in character, from what H explains, and that gradually, the emotional flavour went away.


I follow this...fyi...given the givens, I'm still not alarmed.


from my snooping, I know that as late as August, there were still some emotions mentioned on my H's part (he sent an email to her saying that he was overwhelmed by memories when he went to OW's home country sometime end of July) but OW replied simply, can't remember what.

As of now, two forces are at work within my H:

One is the waning force of OW attraction, and his dependence on her to give him the "high", even if its just friendhip.

If it's just friendship, like it now sounds, there won't be much of a "high". You give it too much power.

The time I had what MIGHT be described as an EA (20 some years ago while h was an intern, grouchy and never around and we were both military and the Gulf War had begun--pretty stressful, )

I recall having a crush on OM who worked with me. He paid A LOT of attention to me at the exact time h was too busy and tired. I was lonely and vulnerable and OM looked like Kevin Costner.

I almost thought I was "in love"...took me about a year or TWO, to get through all that and then I stared at myself and wondered what the heck I was thinking...I then realized I had been sort of crazy to think I felt "love" for OM. I barely knew him!

Thank God I worked through it all without ruining things in the m. IN some ways I learned so much, including not to be so judgemental...things are not always black and white.

If h had found out and tried to shame me, I would have left him. Not "For OM" but b/c I would justify my "almost" affair. I'd blame h. And if he tried to corner me I'd be so angry b/c I DID feel lonely in my m then. and I did blame h, b/c he chose medical school AFTER we married and changed our lives forever.

I did not choose that. He did. He put me in a position to be alone at night MANY nights, for YEARS...raising our kids and taking care of the home and finances AND working full time at my own job which always always took second to his.

So yeah, I'd be mad as heck if he tossed that in my face when I myself had worked it out as your h has.

Your h feels foolish as it is, why must you keep at this? It's like you want him to justify it and trust me, if you force him to, YOU won't end up in a better position. Let this go.




The other force is that of him wanting to work on our M, his commitment, his realization that we do have love and can learn to love more, and that he wants to keep his family intact and do the right thing.


THIS IS WHAT YOU PRAYED FOR...RIGHT?

His actions show that regarding the first force, he is letting go, albeit slowly and in a manner that is easiest to him (cake eating maybe, I don't mind as long as it works and as he says, it keeps him sane).


This is NOT cake eating...Angel, seriously...let this go.


I have to hang my hat on the premise that as a good person with the right upbringing, morals and values, he will let the second force ultimately take over.

I agree w/this^^^-

but I can see how your fears and anger could push him away...don't blow this.

You must LET THIS GO...now.

Thats all I can tell you.