Hello, I'm a WAW, but only because H has OW

[trustinginHim]

Hello to all! I am really hoping that I get to know a lot of you in this community and make some great new friends. I could sure use the support!! I have been lurking a bit the past few days and finally got up enough nerve to post.

Here's my story:

On October 16th I discovered that my H was having an intense EA/PA with his new business manager. I would like to refer to her as the BMOW (business manager/other woman) because I just enjoy seeing the letters BM in front of the OW!! Pardon me, but it is my perverse sense of humor, which was something I thought my husband loved about me at one point in the past. But I digress...

I came home from work that evening and started checking my email as usual. In the process, I found email that my husband had sent to the BMOW where he had professed his love and devotion to her. The email that I found was in the BMOW email account that had been mysteriously (hmmmmm...) left open on my computer from earlier in the day. You have to understand that she would often come to our house to work (should be read as "work") on the business with my husband and she had set up an email account on my home computer (which was appropriately located in the home office)to use when she worked there.

My husband came home from work shortly thereafter that day and found me hyperventilating and having a massive panic attack. I showed him the email I had found and he was forced to confess. We talked/cried long into the night. I cried because of the betrayal, deceit and lies and he cried because I now knew of the affair. Fun and games were over for him, or so I thought...

A week later, after lavishing me with his time and affections and having me believe the EA/PA was over, H went to spend the day/evening with BMOW to "work" on the business (it is a new start-up internet business) and stupidly I let him go. At this time BMOW did not know that I knew, and I was under the impression he was going to break it off with her that night and let her go as an employee and lover. I was so naive...

Midnight comes and goes so I call his cell phone. No answer. I dial again. No answer. I dialed that cell phone of his repeatedly for about 20 minutes when I finally heard someone answer it and then just as quickly hang it up. I was steaming by then. So I dialed right back and my H finally picked up. He was infuriated that I was calling him! His story was that he was changing the tire of one of BMOW's friends. (Uh yeah sure at 1 in the morning by now.) He said time just got away from him and then he got downright nasty to me. I had never heard my H speak to me in that tone of voice before, nor heard him say the ugly things he said to me. I was crushed. I guess the BMOW was within hearing distance and he had to protect their R, you know, save face. He finally came home about 3 am and was still ugly to me. I slept in the den.

The next day I was out apartment shopping for myself. It had quickly becoming apparent to me who was more important to him and besides he was beginning to act like someone I did not know at all. So I left and became a WAW. Whether it was the right or wrong thing to do I still can't tell you, but I was not going to subject myself on a regular basis to the kind of behavior he treated me to that one night.

So here I am in my little apartment now, trying to decide if I want to work on the relationship alone. Essentially he has shown no remorse or regret or even apologized for the EA/PA. He has told me that he WILL NOT end his R with the BMOW because she is too important to his life and his business and he is positive that together they will make millions on the internet. According to H, BMOW is his lover, his best friend, he is in love with her and he can tell her anything! After having that statement thrown in my face, I asked my H what I was to him. His reply, "Why, you are my W." And please let me clarify, I am the second W. My first marriage, his second.

I have consulted a lawyer and I have put the D on hold for now because when I told my H I was consulting a lawyer about a D, he went ballistic. I can assure you he is all for the D, but wants me to hold off until his dotcom business starts making millions. Then he can send me happily on my way after paying me off. Gee, I can't think of anything more that would make a girl feel special like a tramp than that. He would really hate a D to have a detrimental effect on his start up business right now. He said if that happened it would just be one more thing he blamed me for ruining and he would hate me forever. So I think I will let him mess the business up all by himself!

I agreed to postpone the D only if he would compromise for me. I told him I knew asking him to get rid of the BMOW was out of the question, but I told him I wanted him to come to do joint counseling with me to help me understand what had happened and what was happening to me and to us and our marriage. Surprisingly and for whatever reason, he agreed! Our next session is tomorrow.

I apologize if I turned anyone off reading this, but today was a bad day for me and I felt a need to vent a bit. If I can't vent here where others are going through what I am going through, where can I vent? Besides my H is online right now IMing his BMOW (I'm sure only about the business) and I am hurting.

I am looking forward to making this my new home and meeting new friends! So, please, comment away...