How to get her to try again?

[Abbey]

AJ, I don't know what to tell you. I've been listening to mine tell the OW he loves her while I can hear him. Duh. I dunno, I think you have to harden your heart to make it through this. And believe me when I say this. One minute my heart is hard, the next it's melting the the front of my chest. It's a process you have to work on in order to survive this.

She's just in her own head space and logic is NOT going to work with her, nor is counseling at this point. She's in full blown selfish mode and best thing you can do is put on the flame retardant suit. She actually will have VERY little recollection of the angst, pain and damage she's doing right now. Sad but true.

I know how fearful you are about dim/dark. We have ALL had that fear. Esp when they have issues like: run away, or complaints that you the LBS was distant, etc. BUT... it works. I'd try nice til it makes you bleed then pull back hard. It's a way to make them notice. And they will notice.

Right now, mine is in moments of clarity mode. It's HARD not to chase, hard not to reach out... but I wait for him to come to me for any kind of contact. He comments that he doesn't like it when I ignore him. (It's ok to tell someone they love her, IN FRONT OF ME, mind you)... I think you get the idea. *smile*

Dim/dark was the hardest thing I ever did. EVER. It was the hardest, but yet the most satisfying and self sufficiency building of myself that I have ever done. I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about my spouse, and I learned a lot about just what I'm made of. You can do this... which btw, is for you anyway... YOU need that to survive. Dim is for you, to stop the crazy making she's inflicting on you.

And btw, you can switch gears as needed if she responds to it. If she chases, then reward the good behavior, go back to dim when it's not good behavior.

Cheers
Abbey