Well, the affair continues but at a distance. It's all email, text messages and phone calls. Very frustrating as she does some of this in my presence.
I asked her to go see a counselor without me, because I think she might have some issues to work through without me (her mom was abusive, her first husband was abusive, but I'm not!!!). That was today. I told her I'd pay for it if it helped. This whole thing doesn't make sense. Her response was a very vague "Alex, I can't help how I feel."
So I now wrestle with frequent anger that I do my best not to show. I'm angry she doesn't try, I'm angry she just lives in the house with no real thought, she's just turning me into a roommate. I don't know if I can can dim, or push her out. There's the son--he goes to school in this town, and she's unemployed and using up severance. She's been bringing home groceries and cooking, which is very nice and welcomed. It was something she didn't have time for with work and a ... cheating on me I guess. So it's something she does to pass time and to contribute to the home, but other than that and a gym membership she's not paying for anything.
So I crank up the patience and wait. I think the affair is growing fonder now that it's virtual as they try to figure each other out. We still spend some time watching tv, etc, and son is oblivious otherwise. I got kinda mad inside yesterday when they started talking about her family's annual Christmas white elephant gift exchange, a real highlight of going to her family's place at Christmas. This is something I've done for 8 years, and they just discussed it in front of me with zero sensitivity that I'm not invited. Do I call her on the carpet on that or man up and move on?
So frustrating in every direction. I would like to sleep a normal night again. /sigh. I'm afraid that going dim would just push her away and she would never come back, I just don't see it working with her personality. Her toolkit consists of "run away."
