What do I do next? Part 2

[luvhurts49]

I'm pretty sure my W doesn't care about a damn thing that I do because she doesn't want me to even be in her life at this point. I'm actually surprised that she hasn't tried to minimize my time with our kids yet.

This friend is someone that I thought I could trust, so therefore, I was telling them my deepest and sometimes random thoughts. I expressed to them my deepest concerns and fears when it comes to my W, even to the discovery of her A and how it is that I obtained proof. Even thoughts that I had concerning my D and how I expected things to be divided up was discussed. Not to mention issues with custody and CS. This "friend" I believe has told my W much of this information despite their desire to remain "neutral" and not come between me and my W.

I'm not sure why my friend would do such a thing, but I am pretty they did so. See, my W made a comment to one of my friends about something that I had only told 2 people and I know the first person didn't say anything, so that left me with my "friend".

[sayitaintso]

It sounds like you are very frustrated Luv and rightfully so. I would try to detach even further, as much as you are capable. I stopped looking at FB because it brought on feelings that I didn't enjoy and since I stopped it is not as much of an issue.

It seems like you have so much of your current attention on what your w is doing to you that it is troubling you to focus on yourself and finding ways to GAL. I absolutely get it, I was the same way for months but only unitl I began to detach and GAL did I feel better.

As far as the friend you confided in that really stinks. Obviously don't confide in them again but in all honesty you really will not be able to find out exactly what they shared so do your best not to mind read/speculate/imagine and let it be. If it's important and was told to your w then it will eventually come out.

Sounds like you are being a great father to your children, focus on that and be proud and try to find a few activities for yourself that you think you may enjoy. Start small and force yourself if you have to.

Best!!!

[MrBond]

Go ahead and vent on here. It's what this forum is made for. Now you know why DR mentions not to get friends and/or family involved. You'll find that they do take sides.

Stop mentioning and thinking about the things that your W wants, right now because when the OM is in the picture, she doesn't want you. Continue to concentrate on what YOU want. As for the kids, they are your kids as well, she does not have a monopoly on them. If you want them, fight for them.

[Accuray]

It's been a couple weeks LuvHurts, how are things going?

Accuray

[rickb89]

Hey Luv - you said - The things she posts are pictures of sayings, so she really isn't saying them, she's just reposting the picture, but she's obviously very selective about it. Sometimes though, she will make a comment to go along with the picture and that is what is usually directed towards me. The comment is usually obscure, but enough to know it's meant for me IMO.

I'm Rick. Hi. That happens to me too! My W post sayings on FB that I know are meant for me, and I usually don;t like the message they imply becaused they are always seem to be in the way of a R.

[workinghardguy]

That's funny... my W does the same thing... well, did I guess... well, anyway she still does but she hides most of her status updates from me. Though she hasn't hidden my niece so I still know most of them anyway because she tells me

I brought this up to my C. He was confused why my W posts other people's words, and usually without attribution, instead of her own. And my W puts serious time into this... she'll sometimes spend 45 minutes finding the right quote or saying to post.

One thing I have noticed... since she blocked me from seeing her updates she updates less often. Also, her quotes used to be all about adversity, courage, doing what you want to do, following your inner voice, etc... Now that I'm blocked they have been less in volume but when she does post they are about confusion, pain, hurt, and loss.

But I've decided trying to read anything into them is like trying to understand Mandarin heard over the din of a loud train station (and I don't speak Mandarin).

[rickb89]

WHG - yeah that's what happen to me too. All her quotes, while uplifting in and of themselves, really mean in her case to do whatever you need to do to be happy, let go of anything that's in the way, independence, etc. But, yeah its all about her MLC and WAW syndrome, put out there for the workd to see. Most everyone who knows us knows what they really mean.

I sometimes want to put sarcastic quotes on my status as a response such as "infidelity, the key to inner freedom!", but in the end I refrain.

[In_Shock]

yes, Rick -- refrain. The high road is always best when it comes to DBing -- WAS are looking for ANY excuse to blame LBS and anything they can jump on to say ---"See, I told you he/she's a fillintheblank, and I'm justified for leaving that fillintheblank."

High road. Few words. Focus on rick. I'm learning all the time. It's the hardest thing I've EVER done.

[rickb89]

In shock - I really wish you the best. Yes, this is so hard, Anytime you want to vent or discuss I'm here!

[luvhurts49]

Well, it's been a few weeks as I have been trying to get things straightened out and gettin' X-mas stuff going. Shoppin for the kids is kinda rough, but I figured that my W is spoiling our kids, I might as well too.

First court date was supposed to be on Wednesday, but had to postpone as my attorney and I got some last minute paperwork from my W. Now she wants everything but the house and is sayin she deserves to be the custodian because I'm on AD's and seeing a counselor. Guess what, I wouldn't be doin' either if it wasn't for her.

So anyway, now I've got that crap looming over my head, bills coming out by backside, and my W has gone from mean to vindictive. How in the hell am I supposed to even keep a smile on my face during the holidays when this crap is going on?