I'm going to offer a few thoughts. First,I disagree with Cyrena to an extent. I don't see him talk to OW as cake eating. In an ideal world, he would cut off contact, but we don't live in an ideal world. I think Angel's H has started to do what you suggested. I do see him trying to minimize their contact. I do see him letting go, at least from a guy's perspective.
Angel, as a suggestion, is there anyway they could communicate though an intermediary?
I think your do your recon serious harm with stuff like this. Believe me, I know. part of the piecing effort is to show him you've changes. Your episode was probably more like the old Angel.
I also think that at some point, in your mind, you need to make a deal with yourself to STOP bringing up the OM or not having a reaction when he does. I'm sure he doesn't want this being held over his head for the rest of his live and it's not part of true forgiveness to do so.
I also wonder if you fully understand why it happened from your H's perspective.
You said it very well. The OW is a barrier to your commitment (Not his) Translation, you are asking him for help with working on your issue. Go work on it...by yourself.
Obviously, you know that bringing up the past didn't help. Like 25 says "from this day forward.'
You cannot change the past or what happened. You can change your future.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
