Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Abbey]

Exactly Nb,... the pain, wondering what will be left of you *after* this whole thing is done (how do we actually survive this?)... if this IS the right way to go? It's all there. I questioned myself the first time, it's no different now.

It's awful to feel like you, your life, your marriage, your decisions, or not making the "right" decisions are constantly in the crosshairs. For me, I know that I have to feel ok that I've done what I could do. Closing the door becomes an easy thing then.

It's interesting that like you, there's a friendship base there, and that H is a fundamentally good person, that if they were not, I too, wouldn't bother.

I keep thinking of a quote I heard on one of my fave tv shows said a few weeks back: I want something permanent, that can't be taken away, is that too much to ask?

No matter if that's with H, or someone else (doubtful).. or simply by myself, completely OK with living on my own, being my own person, having my OWN life, where NOBODY can threaten it again. That's what I want.

Is that going to be with our respective H's? Only time will tell. I know this: Each arrow of pain, is like one more chunk taken out of me. Each chunk makes it harder to see my love for him being able to survive it.

Abbey