Maybe you are right and acts of service is my love language.
Or maybe I have such a low self esteem that I feel I need to do nice things for others so they like me. I know that I am always afraid of looking like an A-hole even though people frequently tell me I am the nicest guy they have ever met.
Maybe I need to be more assertive. I certainly don't want to "buy" people to like me. I just want them to like me for me.
But maybe I don't like myself right now. I am constantly criticizing myself lately for this mess and I feel horrible because if this isn't MLC then I MUST have been such an A-Hole to have someone basically flee from me and into the arms of someone who is much older and is highly unstable, and emotionally abusive. I know this line of thinking is not correct. Not everything is so black and white.
But knowledge and believing it are too different things. That is the difference between what you know and what you "feel" in your heart.
Maybe I have let this affair and W's actions get into my head too much. I am detatching the best I can and trying to take care of myself, but I am still "handcuffed to the madman."
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
