Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

Trust me though, I question myself every minute on how I am surviving this and if I'm doing the right thing!

I guess I feel good that I confronted H when I found out about the A and I've told him honestly all along how much this is hurting me.

The DB-ing part for me is getting a life for myself (something I had let slip away in the craziness of our daily life), showing H that I'm changing by being more positive, fun, and upbeat, and being more affectionate with H.

At some point, I will have a conversation with him about how moving forward from here will take a big leap of faith from both of us. I will need to believe he can end his affair and I can trust him again. He will need to believe he can come back to me and I'll forgive him. And we will both need to believe we can work on our marriage and get it to a better place.

I wouldn't be doing any of this if I didn't fundamentally believe H was a good person before this happened and we didn't have a base of friendship.

But, all that said, this has been extremely painful. H seems to be gradually "waking up"...but I don't know where this will go. Underneath it all, I want a husband who truly wants to be with me...and I no longer know if that is my H.