DB'ing is soooo hard!

[Mach1]

- have any of you, as you pass time with as a live-in WAS, find that you are having trouble remembering the feelings you had with your spouse before they walked away? My pre-bomb drop days are starting to feel like a dream, or the way you remember a loved on who passed on.

Yes

- do any of you look at your walk away spouse and start to feel they are unrecognizable? I look at my wife and have trouble remembering the surge of love or passion I felt before the bomb. I wonder is this is self preservation at work? I can't even imagine being physical with her anymore. I feel love for her but don't know what to make of it.

I would say that is pretty normal. As you move further along, you will start to remember the good times, as the bad will fade. I feel much differently than I did post bomb, or even pre-bomb.

Four years removed from what you are feeling right now, I can tell you that she didn't do anything TO me, she did it for herself , and honestly, it turned out to be FOR me as well.

- as each DB day passes and I have time for self reflection I find I am understanding myself better, knowing why I did things the way I did and knowing what to improve in myself.

That is part of the journey of the LBS. Seeing the things you could have done better with, and the things you would like to change moving forward.

- my W keep posting these inspirational quotes on facebook. I can't help reading into them that they are all about becoming her own woman, and I take them all to imply that she must leave me to do so. I realize that I am filtering all of her quotes through how I feel about our M, and my fears of losing it. In other words a very self centered reading of the quotes. For example one that read about the three C's - you must make Choice, take a Chance, if you want anything to Change. I immediately read this as she must choose to D me, and leave me in order for change for the better. I need to detach from reading these too. Another small DB victory.

So...stop lookin at her Facebook...


The pain you feel there, you are causing yourself. Why do you look ?

I would guess that you want to SEE if your DBing is having an affect on her ???

- my W was expressing her guilt over not attending an event hosted by her friend last night. I quickly assured her that her friend would understand, but then realized that it was more important for her to be able to express her feelings about it, not ask me for a solution. I quickly mentioned that I certainly understand her feelings about this and expect that her friend would understand her not attending. Another small DB change for me.

Good for you , not trying to "fix" anything.....or did you ?

- I constantly worry that guys are hitting on my wife (in additon to her EA/poss PA). I know, I need to detach here too. Very hard to do. Thankfully, I have been keeping these feelings to myself and not sharing with my W. Another small DB victory for me.

It's called fear...

Fear that outcome you desire might not happen.

Fear that she will find "something better"

Fear that she may not turn around and look at you again.

Finding the core of that fear will release you from it. Finding the core of that fear will allow you to move past it to allow you to detach.

The worst has already happened to you, and you have already been exposed to it.

And yet you are still here.

Why do you think you fear the future ????