Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Abbey]

NB, as was my H. This ISN'T the man he is. (nor what he was before involvement with her.) It is very specific to a person to whom he just can't seem to let go of. It's a caustic, inter-toxic mix and power-struggle between them. He had it beat until the daughter sitch became clear. Frankly, she is an addiction to him. Just like booze, or gambling or any other compulsion. (And fwiw, calling this a compulsion/addiction isn't an excuse if anything, it's a very pointed finger. I'm an ex smoker - cold turkey, and an "ex" heavy drinker - cold turkey, so I'm well aware of owning what you do in your own addictions and compulsions and your WANT AND NEED to control and conquer them. I'm quite aware that you have to WANT to make those changes in your life. And since I did that for me,... I see no real reason why someone else cannot do the same. I'm probably tougher on the expectation to "grow a brain" of people who need to, than the average person, BECAUSE I did so myself. Daemons are meant to be beat, and I don't buy - I can't, it's hard etc.)

As it is now though,...My H still wavers as well between defending her, and wanting to take her to court and rid his daughter of that poor excuse for a mother. He's struggling, holding on to the side of the pool, reaching out to me in fits and spirts... but is still unable to finally try to break free again and conquer this. He IS making an effort and trying to get it all straight in his head like he had to before. The need for cold turkey doesn't necessarily make sense to everyone, So...

I too am at a place where I won't let this go on forever. I too was at a place before this happened that I actually thought of leaving. (No other person involved at all.) I want a relationship that fills me with joy, and fulfillment. I want a man, not a spin cycle. I want to be with someone (if at all) who is as willing to work on us as the priority as I am. If not, it's not worth my time. I'll give him his "cold turkey" no matter if he wants it or not.

If mine isn't able or willing to do the work, once the fog lifts, I'm done too. My exit strategy IS in place. That is doing this, this way, for me, nobody else.

NB and I understand where our head space is, because we're living it. We're seeing this first hand and Starsky, whilst you may not understand the full scope of this, I think both NB and I have a very good handle on what needs to be done.

Cheers
Abbey