I keep DB'ing and GAL, and detaching from my W. I feel stronger and more confident every day, and with all of your help am getting better at this. I now have the ability to filter most if not all situations through what a proper DB response should be and many of the posts I rec'd here play through my mind as I respond to the daily challenges of living with a WAW. Thoughts:
- have any of you, as you pass time with as a live-in WAS, find that you are having trouble remembering the feelings you had with your spouse before they walked away? My pre-bomb drop days are starting to feel like a dream, or the way you remember a loved on who passed on.
- do any of you look at your walk away spouse and start to feel they are unrecognizable? I look at my wife and have trouble remembering the surge of love or passion I felt before the bomb. I wonder is this is self preservation at work? I can't even imagine being physical with her anymore. I feel love for her but don't know what to make of it.
- as each DB day passes and I have time for self reflection I find I am understanding myself better, knowing why I did things the way I did and knowing what to improve in myself.
- my W keep posting these inspirational quotes on facebook. I can't help reading into them that they are all about becoming her own woman, and I take them all to imply that she must leave me to do so. I realize that I am filtering all of her quotes through how I feel about our M, and my fears of losing it. In other words a very self centered reading of the quotes. For example one that read about the three C's - you must make Choice, take a Chance, if you want anything to Change. I immediately read this as she must choose to D me, and leave me in order for change for the better. I need to detach from reading these too. Another small DB victory.
- my W was expressing her guilt over not attending an event hosted by her friend last night. I quickly assured her that her friend would understand, but then realized that it was more important for her to be able to express her feelings about it, not ask me for a solution. I quickly mentioned that I certainly understand her feelings about this and expect that her friend would understand her not attending. Another small DB change for me.
- why is it that the weeks are blowing by too fast, yet each and every moment of BD'ing seems like at eternity?
- I constantly worry that guys are hitting on my wife (in additon to her EA/poss PA). I know, I need to detach here too. Very hard to do. Thankfully, I have been keeping these feelings to myself and not sharing with my W. Another small DB victory for me.
