True, I am sorry to hear about the D papers. However, your thread does show a great deal of strength a
There is a good deal to learn about unconditional love. But there is also a great deal to learn about loving one's self, about taking a real, unbiased look at R and asking why we were attracted to this person and why we chose to be with him/her.
We have choices, too. And sometimes I think that the MLCers don't realize that.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
We have choices, too.And sometimes I think that the MLCers don't realize that.
I think they know we do but choose not to care because it is more pain. To let all that reckoning come for their own choices and having to deal with the process of contrition...
Well I think it is for them voluntarily grabbing a can of gasoline and pouring over their already alight heads.
The weight of it is too much for them. Which is why we say here...
Pressure applied by the LBS just isn't healthy. For anyone. Boundaries yes. Pressure no.
They have to come through it by their own way (if they ever do).
At least that is what I believe with regards to my W.
The sad thing is that often they realize too late that the door was open for them to reach through and discover that love can help heal.
They define us, the relationship, and the capacity for love in their limited way of perceiving and understanding these things. on their own terms. Why would someone love me after this? I wouldn't love me after this?
Are they capable of growing beyond that?
I think everyone is.
Not while in crisis. The only thing in their world is how to make it stop.
So consideration for the consequences of their choices doesn't carry much weight in that moment.
For me I think if she does ever do that, I hope I can remember what I know from being here and listen with the compassion and understanding that I have today knowing that she is making it down the road to a better place for her.
Thank you all for your kind words and good wishes.
I will still be around.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Never again will I make excuses for someone who is not commiting to a relationship. Never again will accept someone investing less than I am investing myself. Never again will I accept someone in my life who is not evenly yoked to me.
If I do I will create something less than I value in myself.
And as I stand here today that ground has has been hard faught, and the price too dear, to place it in the hands of someone who does not value it as I do.
BINGO.
Thanks for all you have done -- and will do -- for others here, TG. God bless; you're going to be JUST FINE.
Truegritter, You have been and are an inspiration to me. You're STBX is the real loser here. It's unfortunate, it's sad, but I get what you've written. All I can do is second your words and say amen. I hope you find all the love and happiness you truly deserve. My sincere thanks and regards.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
My new job is going very well. It really has been a life changing thing for me not to have to worry all the time where my next paycheck is coming from.
It has enabled me to focus on the important things in my life and set some new goals.
W and I have agreed to an uncontested D and I filed those papers two weeks ago.
We are supposed to talk about her executing those today. Who knows if she'll follow through but at this point since the papers are filed she doesn't have a choice.
She still has a lot of crazy in her backpack.
It is with a sense of empathy that I leave her to her choices and also sadness to watch someone you love who desires to be better, invested in a better life and a marriage
...and can't.
I have learned and know this:
Never again will I make excuses for someone who is not commiting to a relationship. Never again will accept someone investing less than I am investing myself. Never again will I accept someone in my life who is not evenly yoked to me.
If I do I will create something less than I value in myself.
And as I stand here today that ground has has been hard faught, and the price too dear, to place it in the hands of someone who does not value it as I do.
Gritter - It is good to hear that you are well and that you seem to have a sense of peace.
I have learned so much from you throughout my process. I thank you for that.
When I think of the things that I have taken from your posts, I think of learning about unconditional love and standing for your vows and personal morals. For most of the 13 months that I have been going through my ongoing marital situation, I applied what I learned from, as well as others, as it directly relates to my marriage and my wife. In other words, I learned how to unconditional love someone else, ie, my wife, and how to stand for my marriage, my vows and my promise to love and stand for my wife.
In the past several weeks, however, my thinking on these notions has evolved. Not changed... evolved. While I still believe that these ideas are essential to having a wonderful marriage and/or relationship, I have begun to consider how they apply to myself.
I have begun to understand how it is important to love ourselves unconditionally and to stand for ourselves and our own happiness. At some point, after we have stood for what we believe in, after we have stood for our M, and after we have stood for our spouses, it is essential that we start to stand for ourselves and our own happiness. There just has to be a point where we have to stop and realize that the sands of time are slipping through our fingers and that it is time to move on. Not because we decide that we no longer love the person who has left us, and not because we canNOT stand any longer. But because we have to love our self. We have to move forward and begin to seek new happiness and contentment.
It sounds to me like this may be the point that you have reached. You fought the good fight Gritter. Nothing can ever take that away from you. And you can now move forward with ZERO regret. Even though I came here after you, and you are the DB 'vet' in my view, I am proud of you. Damn proud of you.
Take care my friend. And, again, thank you for all of your wisdom.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
