W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore.

[Snowman]

Well my W wants to buy our laptop from me which is weird to me. It is half hers and she could probably get it when we get our D. I'm not going to try and guess what my my W feels or thinks because I don't know.

At this point there is no real turning the boat around and there has not been any sign of wanting to turn around on her decision. At this point I don't know how I could ever trust her or confide in her. My W starting talking to numerous guys from the beginning of this thing and who knows how far she took her EA to. I unfortunately am probably to the point of no return for me. I can't continue working on this from my end and keep up my hopes when my wife is wanting a D and continues down that path with her actions. I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall at this point. She has no intentions of working on it and I know that this is me saying what I think she is thinking but she just doesn't. At one time or another I need to make the crap or get off the pot decision.

My W has not made one comment to me about us this whole time in a positive manner. She has not wanted to work on this and told me she will not work on it and if she does she would go to marriage counseling. She told me she does not love me and is not attracted to me. She even told me I deserve someone better, someone who loves me. I know I should believe things that are said but am I just in denial that this is done.

When we did have our last talk and she decided on divorce I want to understand obviously but I have shown that I was ok with it and ask her if she would like me to start the stipulation papers. She claimed she would check with her lawyer but I have not heard anything since. She has never initiated one discussion about us and never wanted to address anything about us. I know it is not just about me and want I want so I have tried to give this time, be patient, and GAL with no changes from her. I feel that I'm to the point of moving on or continuing this pursuit is pointless. She has chosen her new life, friends, lifestyle, and direction. I can't change this and I'm not sure I want to live with the new person she is or the person that constantly runs from their problems. It goes against who I am and how I do things. I'm not saying pursuing her would be right for me or anything like that but she has run from her family, her work issues by trying to change jobs, run from conversations in our marriage because she doesn't want to address problems, and now she is running from this problem. I can't deal from my end with someone that runs all the time. I can give but if no one is there to receive then I can't really help that.

I would love to look through this situation through her eyes but I can't really understand her view. Her view is to run, have fun in the single life, and avoid what problems she has with me. Not much to work with. She doesn't love me and wants out thats what I see from her view which I'm sure is not all the detail but I don't have much to work with to know otherwise.

Sorry for the rambling but this is what I see and feel.

[Snowman]

Well I'm more than ready to move on. I'm working on packing my wifes stuff up to get it out as part of my moving on process. My wife continues to text and call other men all day everyday. She really thinks I don't know about her affairs and that she has been talking to numerous different guys like she is out in the dating scene again. I know I'm not suppose to be checking cell records per DR/DB but I'm past the point of wanting to reconcile this R. I had not check for a month or more and surprise I checked this week and now it the communication is focused on 2 guys. The texting to 1 guy is literally all day long like every 3 minutes, talk about infatuation. I have no idea how my W gets any work done at work or takes care of my S when she has him. She texts like a maniac.

Anyway I'm done putting up with this heartache and I'm more than ready to move on. My W has chosen this new life with all new friends and drop her family in the process. She will never admit to the affair but who are we kidding, she is chasing and talking to guys that no one has ever heard of before. Everyone thinks I deserve way better including me. At this point I could never trust her again is her lies have built upon her lies and she is delusional enough to think everyone in her life would just be ok with what she is doing.

It [censored] to have to work on a D in the holiday season but I can't live like this anymore and I'm more than ready to move on. I worked on what I could but she never really wanted to work on it from the get go. She dropped the bomb and never turned back, in fact she just continued to push further away. I can live knowing that I gave it my all despite my wife's actions and decision. I really feel my W has run from her problems in life and she is adding this to her list.

Wish me luck through my D and support me in the future as I hopefully can finalize things and move on.

[Snowman]

I have started to pack up my wife's stuff and put it in the garage. I told her last time she was her that I was packing her stuff up when she was walking out and she said ok or something. My W was gracious enough to post Halloween party pics on her FB page that all my friends saw. The pics were then tag and there is wonderful pics of her and a guy that wore matching costumes, hers was Alice in Wonderland & his was Mad Hatter. My W apparently is still delusional thinking this is ok and claims they are just friends. How many guys and girls do you know that buy matching costumes, go to the bar to drink with each other, and take pics together while having you faces nearly touch. I had a friend who commented on a pic saying "probably just friends too" to the which my W replied "Of course" and then she deleted the comments. My friend texted me guilty. I know I'm not suppose to spy or whatever but I really didn't as I have been defriended on FB anyway so my W's actions are seen by the rest of the world and relayed to me. I did look at the cell phone records which confirmed my W's infatuation with the guy in her bar pics. In fact she was literally texting him every 2-3 mins all day during work, after work, and even while watching my S which doesn't make me happy.

Anyway, I'm moving on. I setup the Christmas tree and had to buy new ornaments since they were all my W's but thats ok. I will slowly make more progress on moving her stuff out as part of my moving on. I'm ready to file for divorce as I'm done living in limbo with constant disappointment. I have enjoyed my having my S for the last 4 days. Each day we bond more and more. He talks about my family all the time. I'm becoming the even better father that I knew I was. I have had my bouts of anger and bitterness but they are less frequent. My W's youngest brother and W came over for a dish they left at the house and we ended up talking for 2 hours. They commented on many things like not wanting to talk to my W, that my S seemed happier with me at his home, and my W's drinking problem. We talked about many things of which I was honest and was not trying to make me look like I was some perfect guy or anything. They questioned her signing up for school as I do and the many other actions she has taken, including pretty much pushing her family away except for her dad that has never been their for her in her past life and is there now just because he know he can take advantage of the situation.

I'm not sure what my W's plans are at this point but I'm done waiting and will be taking action on my own. I'm not going to jump into dating or anything like that like my W has without even being D. I want time to heal and continue my progress on my changes.

I scored some good things on Black Friday for myself and to be honest my financial situation has been great since my W has been gone. I confused as to what she was spending all our money on before all this happened. She seemed to go shopping for groceries or otherwise all the time. I think she is still struggling with the money thing now but that is her own fault as she didn't like my conservative ways on financial things. I have more shopping to do for my son and rest of my family. I had my parents over tonight for dinner with my S. My S loves his Grandpa and Grandma.

Well I will try to keep you all updated. Please feel free to chime in with advice and support. Thanks DB forum.

[Snowman]

My wife is in full on affair mode and could care less about the rest of the world. The Halloween pics showed up on her FB and everyone saw them and told me. Yesterday night a pic shows up of her with her new boyfriend at the college football game here. All friends and family were beside themselves and one friend's W that used to be best friends with my W could not resist commenting on the pic and other stuff. The pic was not suppose to be on her FB but the guy she is cheating with accidentally tag her in the photo so it posted it to her wall. My W defriended pretty much everyone else that cares and blocked her own mother. My W has lied to so many people about so many things it was only a matter of time before this happened. My W continues to pursue many guys and dating the new guy exclusively. I will be visiting my lawyer tomorrow to start the papers as I'm done with this situation. My W has left a wake of destruction that she has no idea and she has no intention of coming back. I could never trust her again. and nether could pretty much anyone else since she has made this so public on her own. She has made herself look so bad it is ridiculous.

This forum has helped me a lot and I have become a better father and person through this process. The DB/DR process is not for the other person it is for you. I have learned this the hard way many times but I have learned it. I will continue posting as things progress. Thanks for all your help.

[workinghardguy]

but the guy she is cheating with accidentally tag her in the photo

Yeah... just like I "accidentally" went 70mph on the freeway yesterday. Accidental my a$$... first you have to consciously tag the photo it's not like FB can mystically identify people and now FB makes the taggee approve being tagged. No accident my friend... she put that out there, for whatever reason, but she allowed that to be out there.

But it's just a symptom of where she is at. You can be mad or not about it, but ultimately it's just one symptom of her bigger issues and behaviors. Don't get churned up over each symptom because there are so many.

[Snowman]

Well I have been slowly working on gathering the horrendous amount of info for my L. I have pretty much moved most of my wifes stuff out to the garage for her to get. My W has thrown every meaningful thing down the drain along with all the relationships of the people that really loved and cared for her. Many people, in-laws, friends, and other think my W is mentally unstable which I agree. She really needs to be seen by a mood disorder expert with someone that can join her to make sure the truth is told. She claims she was cleared by bipolar but who knows what was said or anything else. My W has got so angry in the past she would throw stuff and I mentioned this to my MIL. My MIL told me about when my W threw her recipe book and broke it. There is a pattern of constant anger, ups/downs, and loss of control of emotions. Who knows what it really is but I can't help her anymore. I have really tried my entire M to help her with no success. I'm moving on and will be the best father to my son that I can be. My W will hit rock bottom on day as everyone in my life has commented including her own family and when she does she will probably have no one to help her because she will have burn her bridges with everyone. I'm ready to move on and make 2012 a way better year than this one. I know everyone has their faults and weaknesses but my W's have been impossible to address as she will not address them and I can't do anything about it anymore. I gave all my love to her and worked to make life good for her but nothing was ever good enough. All the retrospection has made me realize how crazy my marriage has really been. Onward and upward for now. Just trying to get the D going so all of us can move on.

[Snowman]

Well my wife texted me tonight saying she wanted to talk. I asked her about what and she said "I don't know". We texted about my son some and I said it would be nice if she could at least tell me what she wanted to talk about. She again said I don't know and said she was gathering her thoughts about what she wanted to talk about. I told her to gather her thoughts and let me know. I also said by her vagueness that I can only assume certain things but I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

I think she is either giving me D papers or she is going to come begging back. In any case it is too late. I'm done with the anger, the throwing of stuff, the verbal abuse, the walking on eggshells, and the impossibility of making her happy. She is mentally unstable and I'm not dealing with it anymore. I'm moving ahead with my L and moving ahead with my life. She will have to deal with her demons with someone else. She is unwilling to get help or be honest with herself or the ones that love her. I'm done living a life which I thought was just a normal marriage R things but really was a roller coaster that was impossible to ever get off of. I see it now and I'm ready to move on.

[MrBond]

"She again said I don't know and said she was gathering her thoughts about what she wanted to talk about. "

You know this would have been a perfect opportunity to work things in your favor.

"I'm done with the anger, the throwing of stuff, the verbal abuse, the walking on eggshells, and the impossibility of making her happy."

You've only had to deal with that for a short time and you really haven't dealt with it well.

"She is mentally unstable and I'm not dealing with it anymore."

Nice attitude towards the mother of your child.

"She is unwilling to get help or be honest with herself or the ones that love her."

Maybe that's what she was trying to talk to you about. But you just shut her down.

"I'm done living a life which I thought was just a normal marriage R things but really was a roller coaster that was impossible to ever get off of."

Got news for you. NO relationship is "normal". The roller coaster was easy to get off of. You just let your anxiety and insecurities get the best of you.

Regardless of what, you will have to deal with your W for the rest of your life because of your son. You're letting your hurt feelings get the best of you and isn't in the best interest of your child. Start wising up to that.

[CO1978]

If you you want a good book to read I recommend "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. It will change your perspective on everything you just posted. One of the four agreements is: Don't make assumptions. "Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."
"When she said "I don't know", she knew what she wanted to say, but wanted an opening for you to show you are the person she can still trust and talk freely to. "Its okay, you can talk to me about anything" is a good answer. I agree 100% to Mr. Bond, she will be in your life regardless, to quit so easily is not an option, you owe your child that much. "Normal" marriage, again I agree with Mr. Bond, there is no normal marriage. We look at society to judge what is normal, and that is wrong. Everyone is different, there is no normal in anything.

[Snowman]

Ok, I find it pretty preposterous that you think that you have the slightest clue as to what my marriage has been like. I know that I have to deal with my W for the rest of my life and trust me I have done everything I can to work with her but she has not done anything. She continues to talk and call numerous guys all day everyday. That may be ok for some people to see and live with but when your wife does it for months on end that is not ok with me nor could I ever trust her again.

Mr. Bond
1. I have been deal with all the stuff mentioned my entire marriage not just since the bomb was dropped so don't presume you know.
2. She is not trying to get help. She has pushed her entire family away and those people that know her and care about her. She is dating guys during separation, goes to a psychiatrist without anyone else to explain her issues against the advice of many, and continues to party with no care in the world. I would like you to explain how this is working on it because she tries to bait me with a text. It is the correct attitude about her being mentally unstable because she is and numerous people have observed it, her psychologists referred her to a psychiatrist, and he own uncle who is a 20 year psychologist thinks the same. Its not like I just came up with that opinion yesterday, you might want to read all the posts.
3. I didn't shut her down, I told her to gather her thoughts and lets talk. You seem to have taken the side of my WAW for some reason. If we are going to use maybe, then maybe she is setting me up to deliver D papers or some other vicious thing. I'm done being a doormat for this.
5. This has not been a normal marriage by any means and again your presume you know what it has been like. I know there is no normal marriage but one that has been like this is not acceptable to me. If living on eggshells everyday hoping she is not going to get explode for some random thing is normal then count me out. Her own family thinks she has acted weird. I'm not just making this stuff up for the fun of it.

I'm very cognizant of the fact I have to deal with her for the rest of my life and I even discussed that with her many months ago. I'm not going to ignore my hurt feelings because they are hurt for a reason. I have been trying to do whats best for my S this whole time but she could care less. She continues down this path and I'm not joining her.

I did respond to her saying what I really want, I wanted to know what she wanted to talk about. I find out hard to believe that a person can say that they want to talk about something and then not know what they want to talk about. I left the window open in the text messaging but she didn't want to say. Its not like I'm the one that has destroyed the trust by running out on our family and marriage or lying constantly about things. I feel like you guys are marriage counselors that are attacking me and my wife has no fault in this. Apparently I'm the bad guy in all of this.

I will talk to her but unless there is sincere want to work on things and great effort to ask for forgiveness for the cheating and many other things then I will stand with my decision.