A Bklyn tale

[BklynMom]

Spoke with a coach today and it really helped me get back to a better place in my head. Again she stressed that my time frame was unrealistic. It is just so scary to me that this hole in our family will remain.

I feel like I let go of a lot of emotions today. I cried and cried. (Not in front of the kids) But I really feel like I needed to do that. I am experiencing a big loss. I need to grieve and allow myself to mourn. I think its okay to be sad. This sitch qualifies as sad.

I still truly believe my H would be a fool to leave us but what saddens me is maybe he is a fool.

I just dont see how my girls & I will be better off in a year without my H -their Daddy. Everyday when D3 says I miss Daddy, I have to say "Baby, Daddy loves you. He will be here soon" It kills me. How can he truly love her and do something so selfish.

The coach also suggested I do more GALing that wasnt centered around this sitch. I guess I do schedule a lot of time to think about this from going to therapy 2x/wk and 2-3 alanon meetings a week. But its hard to then pay for a babysitter to go to the gym as well.

Tonight I tried reading a novel but there was no way I was going to be able to focus on it instead I came here. And am focusing more on my sitch.

But writing has made me feel better. Thank for listening