How 2 balance detaching & improving communication?

[BklynMom]

Do not initiate a hug! The way I look at this decision is would your kid rather see you hug your W a couple of times and not get back together or have you R and not hug a couple of times?

Sorry to say it but, glad to hear your W is having a hard time on all fronts right now. Hmmm, most of her issues probably dont have to do with you. Maybe she will start to see that. Dont rescue her. Listen to her problems and validate.

Write down that she told you she feels like she can go to you for support. That is awesome!! Very positive. Very good sign. Listen to her problems and validate.

I think the message board over emphasizes going dark. I dont think the DB coaches are as into being dark/dim. I think each sitch is different and maybe talking to a coach is a good idea to see how much interaction you should have with your W.

When I have spoken to the coaches they really emphasize using each interaction as an opportunitity for the WAS to see the new you. Your W has been reaching out to you so I think it is legimate to consider reaching out to her and gauge her response. If she is stand offish you wont do it again. It is definitely something to consider.

My coach is always stressing that in order to R I need to reestablish my friendship with H, he needs to feel like he can trust me not to overreact. You need to slowly reestablish that connection in a way that your W wont feel like you are pursuing.

Keep ranting here and keeping it together with her. Good luck