It seems that I only come on here to journal negative things. That may make it hard for others to get a more accurate picture of my situation so I will try to do better at including everything in order to get the best advice possible from all you great people on here.
I have been continuing my db'ing efforts and I would consider my current status s/ my waw as being somewhat dim and more emotionally detached as I've ever been (as far as my w's moods, comments, and actions affecting me are concerned)I still have my moments but this has improved dramatically.
I have been spending tons of time w/ my 3 boys and have continued to build a better relationship with all of them. I volunteer at the younger ones school and take my older one to the gym with me along with other things. This I am extremely proud and happy about and never plan on stopping.
I see my w almost everyday and we have been communicating well w/ respect to our kids and small talk but not too much beyond that. Their has been very little to no physical contact which used to really bother me but I've come to accept it now. Even though their are many times I would like to give my w a hug from time to time I refrain and let her initiate that.
My 9 yr old wonders why we don't hug much and wants us to more. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle that? I would like to initiate hugs periodically but I don't want to pursue so I'm a little confused.
My w is really having a tough time with her life on all fronts right now and I'm really feeling for her. I do my best to lend my ear when she initiates and just recently she told me at the end of the day she feels good to know she can depend on me for support. I really appreciated that and that is def a 180 from how she has previously felt about me. This was one of the main problems of our r.
However, when she first moved out we used to talk every night on the phone, sometimes for a while. Now we rarely do. I'm not sure if intially I initiated the calls or if we were both adjusting to our new sitch but its tough having minimal communication now. I still struggle with thinking about calling just to say hi and chat but feel that that is pursuing and not good according to Db.
Another recent positive is that my w called me one morning and was giving me an earfull about something I did and where I used to get flustered and upset I simply said I'll talk to you later and got off the phone with her. I didn't really feel bad about what I did and realized her reaction was on her. She later that day apologized to me for the way she was talking to me. This was a big 180 as I can't recall the last time she apologized to me for anything. I said don't worry about it and that was that.
I guess this turned into a long journaling rant. This still [censored] and the struggles are daily. I hope I am making the best decisions in terms of my actions and words for what its going to take to give me the highest likelihood of obtaining my long term goal of a R.
I am doing my best to become the best person I can be and at the end of the day I am happy with that and whatever happens happens.
