You are probably right. She has most likely gone into "SuperWoman" mode in front of me at this point. She has shown a few chinks in her armor (very, very few) but I think those are mostly tied to guilt at the book said and not a true sadness for the loss of a relationship or missing a spouse.
"Every interaction becomes an opportunity to solve the problem". Correct - I find myself slicing apart everything she says and does in an attempt to find some kid of meaning and I mostly just end up in a vortex larger than the one I started off in. Sadly, we are all rather simple beings constantly in search of the predictability of "cause and effect" relationships. We have been doing it since we were babies. If I hold on to the table I won't fall down when I try to walk, If I cry my mother magically shows up. At 38, I am still looking to solve this mess with that same logic and it is much more complex than that I am learning. If I use my BlackBerry too much, she'll leave - ergo, if I stop using it she will come back. Nope. Not really. And that is where patience comes in to play. There are far too many variables that got me to this place to be able to resolve them with a simple cause and effect observation in a matter of days. I get frustrated by that but I am attempting to make time my friend as everyone says (I am also friends with a low dosage of an antidepressant right now, but I digress.....).
I do tend to see her words as final. She has dropped some pretty hard punches on me - "IT'S OVER! I'M DONE! AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO OR SAY TO MAKE ME CHANGE MY MIND!". That one stands out in my memory pretty well. Granted, it was said in an argument, but still - she sure as h*ll meant it at the time and has given no indication that she has softened her stance. I am hopeful that time will help.
Regarding giving strategies time - here is a question. So right now I am LRT/dim. Let's say I keep that up for 3-4 weeks and see nothing back? What then? They don't call it last resort for nothing - I would figure there is no place to go after that. And since I am thinking that it is going to take MONTHS to melt some of the ice that is engulfing my W right now I think if I set a 3 week timer for results right now I am kidding myself.
Trying not to panic. Actually do MUCH better than I was 8 weeks ago. No more dry-heaving for 5 minutes every morning and no more cognitive paralysis in the office. That is a good sign.
