Basically if I keep her on, then I am stuck with her on my insurance until we get divorced. (which I don't know when that will happen, because i can't afford a laywer even for stipulated divorce and she is needling me for a divorce). Even if she insures herself in February, I can't drop her.
When we first separated she was gung ho to get her own insurance, now she wants it. I want stability in this area. If I drop her I would save about $191 a month, which is much needed right now.
She is just waiting to have enough money to pay for a retainer and will then demand a stipulated divorce or she will proceed with me unrepresented.
The way I see it this might be the only way to start protecting myself and save for a lawyer. At least I could save faster.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Also ... I know insurance differs greatly between our counties BUT I would be very surprised if you are not allowed to remove her in the event that she secures insurance elsewhere. I'd want that in writing. It doesn't make legal sense.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
yes, I can drop her due to being "within the window", where you can add or drop family members.
Also we are switching to a whole new insurance company so i have the right to accept or reject the insurance and choose who is covered.
Part of me want to drop her because it would make me more financially secure and I would be able to protect myself.
I also realize that her demanding things of me is a hot button as she has pretty much bossed me around throughout our marriage (more than the average :)) and i would bow down to her every whim. This would be a 180 for me, but probably would not bring her closer to me.
Part of me wants to keep her on in the hopes that she'll come back...but that is not detatching.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I have heard of cases where one spouse has dropped the other through this and they end up in court, paying arrears for the insurance they were legally required to carry....
LEGALLY....
Are you able to drop her ?
Originally Posted By: TM
I think she trying to cake eat with this issue but wanted opinions.
If you ask me, I think it is more about this (and I don't think you want opinions, you want someone to tell you that it is okay)
I understand that your insurance company will allow you to drop her...
But I seriously doubt that if you end up in court, your insurance rep will be sitting on the bench....
Thanks Mach for the heads up! I decided that I will keep her on just in case. I do really value your people's insights as i am a guy looking from the inside out and I need someone looking from the outside in.
Although I am not happy with the results, it is better than the possible alternative!
And you are right I was looking for validation, but so far I have been tagged as a guy who has been too caring enough not to look out for his own needs. Just needed some grounding.
Thanks!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
And you are right I was looking for validation, but so far I have been tagged as a guy who has been too caring enough not to look out for his own needs. Just needed some grounding.
So why is that ?
Why do you say that ?
Is that your image of yourself ?
Or is that just the way you think the world sees you ?
I say that because that is what other people have told me in the past and keep telling me today.
This may be a stupid example, but for 4 years I sacrificed a lot for our marriage. I would wear the same beat up shoes, used any money I got for gifts to pay for CC bills that the W had racked up, instead of getting the shoes that I really needed.
Granted, $40 for new shoes may not be a lot to save compared to a $2000 bill, and I probably should have gotten the shoes, but the $40 compounded with all the other money and things I had sacrificed starts to add up. I never expressed resentment about this during our marriage, but it seemed that I was more giving in the marriage. This was visible enough for mutual friends to notice.
Granted, not taking care of myself was my choice and now I am living with the consequences of my choices.
That is why I want to change that and do a 180. Actually stand up for myself. The problem is it seems like everytime I try to, there is something in the way that would come back to haunt me. (Such as W having no insurance, getting sick, and me getting the bill).
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
