Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Abbey]

Mine isn't acting like that at the moment either. That said, they do spin cycle all over the darn place. It's our job not to get too discouraged, or too overly optimistic.

They do this at their own pace, and can back slide the same way that we do when R talks come up, or we get clingy etc.

You said something about "risking" the marriage. Some go so far off the rails, that they really have no clue what they're risking. While others, like yours and mine... just want the world to stop for a while til they can figure it out. Neither is easy, both have their own sets of problems for us to deal with, and roller coaster rides to endure.

Like yours, mine spends more time mad at the OW, and wanting to just be with his daughter etc. I mean, you really want to SUE someone you supposedly love? Yet... much like your H, with doubts,... in their mind this all makes sense. He have doubts, but I still want to be with her - It's hard not to try to make sense of it, but it won't make sense, because their brains are soup

The thing is,... that because they're not necessarily as committed, it can take longer for their head to wrap around the whole gravity of what they've done too. Because limbo is a soft cushy place where they don't have to do anything... they can sit there and stew. They will eventually get off the pot... but non committal has a harder time "blowing up" unless the OW is a total nut job. (That's what I"m counting on, with mine).

Because he's asking for time, you have the time to show him what he'd be missing... and all the new interesting things he'll be missing. It's an opportunity for us... we best not squander it

Cheers
Abbey