This an interesting thread. I have been away, and having a very good time.
But with regard to new relationships, we are all very different. There are no rules, and age isn't a limitation, it is in our heads, and we tend to believe what we are told is the conventional wisdom. One of my very best friends met a lovely guy [a few years younger] when she was 50. He had been widowed, and they are very very happy. It was a totally random and chance meeting.
What i think we need to remember is that our MLCer became a really unpleasant person - towards us, at least, over a short space of time. [And in most cases, to others in their lives.] And as a result we have lost sight of what 'normal' is. Relationships are very scary when our partner turn on us like a mad animal. Sorry if that sounds over dramatic, but that is how is what for me.
i know there are those who say it is a long time coming . . . . . but I found it blindsiding.
That kind of experience trauamtizes us, and makes us wary. Add to that a very long relationsihp, and most of us really aren't going to be out there with much capacity for trust and 'normal' fun for a long time.
Those who manage this sooner are amazing, but there isn't anything wrong with it taking a long time. People recover from trauma at different rates, and we need to recognise that what happened to us is not run of the mill. We moved from happiness to intense and gut wrenching pain in a short space of time, and have tried to find out why, and what happened. Sometimes I still think it is me - that my xh was right when he said I was the crazy one for being upset . . . rationally I know this isn't true, but what these MLCers say gets right inside our heads. Learning not to feel worthless and rejected can take a long time.
We are rebuilding ourselves, and learning to live on our own again, but with the added difficulty of rejction and often a period of emotional abuse at the time of the bomb, from the person we trusted and loved most in the world . . .
i know we all know all of this, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves of just what we have had to move on from.
