25 yr - Rick, I feel for you. You are in pain and you are getting a ton of advice, some of which is conflicting.
Rick - I want to make sure you know that I think very highly of you for taking the time to respond to my sitch and with so much honesty. I asked for the 2" * 4" because I want to be absolutely sure I am seeing all of this the right way, learn/evolve, understand everyone's role in this in my family, and hopefully help my W, myself and family.
I have purposely not reached out to you for quite a while. I experienced so much emotion at your previous comments and did not want to respond without really letting your comments in, and reflect on them first. Seriously, I was so angry at you at some of the things you said, but I asked for your feedback and respect that you are doing that.
There are two things I want to say that maybe I did not make clear in my responses to you, or in my own posts:
1) I'll give details later in this response but I think you perceive my typical response to my wife to be angry, demeaning, unempathetic, etc. You weren't living with my family for years so all you really have to go by is my postings. Please understand that I WAS NOT some overbearing monster to my wife (although maybe she feels that way and that is what matters). I went through stages over the years with her. Yes, I was aware of her issues when we met. There was/is so much good in her that I love. Although I had gone through a very tough childhood of my own I did not realize the depths of what her issues were and would be. I thought by loving her, by being a attentive/loving H, by fulfilling my role as a H and father, all would fall into place. I was young and had no idea of what I was getting into as far as the depths of her issues were/are. I was hit hard with the symptoms of her issues right from the start. I'm not saying I didn't have/do have my own growth to do. I am saying that in an of itself, her issues were extrememely threatening to our M and family survival. I have outlined the issues before in previous postings and you have read them so I won't repeat. I went through stages of dealing with them. I would talk to her endlessly, for hours on end when she needed it. I would be massively patient, for years. I would try to walk her through her issues and possible new ways to look at/ live with things in a more productive way ( I do realize now that my fix it attitude was not what she needed, she just needed me to listen). I suggested therapy but part of her learned response is defensiveness so this suggestion was always met with scorn.
Yes, I did get bitter about it, and we would get into the discussions that would seem to circle forever and not lead to any solutions. Yes, I did get frustrated with her. You are right in that I felt I had to repair/fix things and did not just sit and listen to her. Looking back I'm not sure how I could have at the time and with where I was in personal growth, have accomplished both - to solely listen to her as she needed, but at the same time find a way to stop the bleeding which was gushing. I would try and try again to calmly listen, but I did not have the ability to not get into repair/fix mode, and I was desperate. I know she picked up on my disappointment and felt judged. I know she couldn't get her demons out with me because I was so focused on my responses/survival mode. I know that I stopped believing her responses had merit. Yeah, I needed a 180 in so many ways.
2) Many of my postings were from a man who was gushing forth an awful amount of pain and desperation and that was the end product of the years of challenges, and the effects of having a newly WAW. In my posting I didn't necessarily walk through the steps of our M and how I dealt with things through the years. What you got was me at that point, not me in my past. I was really purging but that is not how I was to her or in my family over the years. Most anyone who was near my family will tell you I was loving, patient and kind (or at least as I perceived it, but if I was all that would my wife have walked away). But, the frustration and my inability to find a more productive way of handling the issues were what they were.
25 yr - But the way I see it, YOU are putting yourself on the road to divorce.
Rick - yes, I have been thinking about/preparing for D as a possible outcome. And it is solely because I am wondering whether there really is a affair (she says its not) and still dealing with her mistrust issues. When I think that she can take off and go away from me, and family whenever she wants, meet this guy, and yet when at home question everything I do for a possible deception then yes, I wonder how long this can go on. If this is simply matter of her needing the time to work these things all out then yes. I get that and when I think of how I love her I can see doing it for as long as it takes. But, yes, the horrendous embarrasment of this is brutal. The fact that its with my cousin who knows exactly what he's doing makes it awful. Where's the concern for me as his family, for my kids? Not one call to me. Not one ounce of concern, yet he has no problem escaping with my W for these "secret" getaways. Yeah, I have a lot of anger about this. I can still intellectualize the reasons my W is doing this, but I go back and forth on being the evolved understanding H, and wanting to take this guy out for good. Can you honestly tell me if your husband was meeting one of your female cousins in hotels in other states and lying to you about it, and knowing that through his own mismanagement of it that your kids found out about it before you did, you wouldn't respond in anger?
25yrs - I just watched a film about Marilyn Monroe...
Rick - I saws the preview and did think about how her story so relates to my W's. I have always seen Marilyn in her.
25 yrs - I think your wife put all her energy into raising the boys AND having a job and hoped her inner issues would work themselves out without her having to face them.
Rick - so true, exactly! She wondered why this crisis hit her like a bomb and that is probably why, it was a ticking timebomb.
25 yr - When you married her, the way YOU described it, was that you were saving someone from themselves and I read into that, that you blamed her for a lot of "poor choices". Given her background, I'm amazed at how functioning she is. But she needs serious help. You vowed "in sickness and in health."
She has been in many ways valiently dealing with her life. I think I played the role of the missing father in her life and it was easy for her to act out towards me in that manner. Being the bad little girl, projecting her fears onto me, etc. Yes, I blamed her for not being able to overcome these things because of how they affected me and the family. Over time I came to feel that these actions were a choice by her. I felt she would rather dump them on me, rather than overcome them, and I got defensive/withdrawn over the years. I felt that I was not important enough to her to stop her from doing that. I realize that, that is looking at it from how it affected me - concerned with self.
25yrs - what I got back mostly (not all, but mostly) was you defending yourself. And explaining yourself. NOT you saying "wow, now I see how it could be viewed that way."
Rick - yes, it has been very hard to overcome the personal pain and subsequent defensiveness. My reactions to you were not unlike I felt with my wife.... how can she say this, I am doing this all for the right reasons! That is what I am working on. How could I have better helped her, taken the focus off my pain, and still met all my obligations to the family.
25yrs - Just sounded to me like you were asking how you could get your way. Then you said you often did not get your way
Rick - I'm not sure how to respond. The sitch was so extremely bad in certain areas that I felt if I didnlt convince her otherwise we were doomed. I really did respond out of shear panic/survival mode. I did believe in my proposed answers/solutions to things with all my heart as a way to solve things, but that was on my timetable and yes with my owm welfare in mind as well. Is this selfish?
25 yrs - but then you'd repeat the exact same behavior the next time conflicts arose. And the results were the same.
Yes, true. Einstein's definition of insanity at work here. This is what I am working on , and asking for input, finding a better way of communicating. I have looked at my communications with others and find that I am really this way mostly with my W. That I guess is explainable in that I was so threatened by her, but with others there is a degree of separartion that is not so threatening.
25yrs - I don't believe your wife's biggest love language is gifts, unless that was a deprivation from childhood. I'd bet compliments that are sincere and are NOT followed with a request, would help....which was a tactic you suggested trying. I say "DON'T"...instead, just validate and listen. Don't get your way at all for now.
Rick - she says her love language is gifts! I think you are correct - don't get your way at all right now.
25yrs - Second, your son's have no business telling you anything about this.
Rick - they are not telling me anything about this. If you mean as in telling me what to do or giving advice. I'm not sure how you mean it. They were affected horribly by this and when their Mom disappeared in the way that they know her, it was very, very tough. It's not that they needed her to be the Mom of old but they saw her getting drunk, gone from the family, sneaking away with my cousin and some rather unfortunate evidence they stumbled upon that to this day I can't find my way around believing its not proof of an affair.
They have always been very comfortable speaking to me their deepest thoughts and feelings throughout their lives. I realize that I have to manage this aspect of this situation too. This part of it has been difficult for everyone. I have explained to them the crisis their Mom is in and that they need her support. When they have tried to speak to her about this sitch, they get pushed away and in many cases lied to. So they come to me and I am doing my best to be above it all for them. The they see/feel the problems at home and get upset. They see their Mom with someone else and it kills them.
Everyday I work on how to provide them with some level of comfort/understanding to get through this. It's a sitch that I can't put my finger on the right thing to do. I just keep reinforcing that Mom needs time and love. They don't feel it coming from her, although I see that in my youngest )13) they seem to be reconnecting on their own.
25yrs - Finally, make sure your pride is distinct from your self respect.
I had a very hard time with that fine line between the two. There were MANY times I wanted to serve my h papers and be done with it. A lot of that was b/c I felt humiliated. I wanted it to end but I HAD to know I had given it my all and put my ego aside, for awhile.
Rick - yes, me too. I do feel so horribly embarassed and humiliated.
25yrs - Sure, bills need to get paid. Broken faucets need repair. But how often she calls her sister or how she spends her time, after 24 years of m, must she account to you all her hours?
Rick - I don't understand this comment? I was never one to try and control her time.
25yrs - As for her Not doing a lot around the house--big deal. Sorry but why aren't your sons doing the housework? Is the adult son paying rent? Why do I get the feeling she was the maid for 3 grown men and a teen? I guess it's b/c you complained about it and it doesn't make sense to me, especially your nerve and level of involvement in this
Rick - this one is way off on your part although I realize you are responding to my comments. I am now and have always done a huge protion of the household duties. Yes, my sons contribute in work and rent (the older one). She was never the maid for all of us guys. In fact, I'm the neat one of the two. She did do a lot and so did I. Seeing her forgo her role in the household can be attirbuted to what she's going through right now. Okay, I get that. It's just that on top of everything else that's going on in this crisis, it feels as if it's another sign that she is done with family and home. I have been seeing so much of her WAW activities and change as proof of her wrongdoing in this (judging her) as opposed to seeing it all as symptoms of her crisis.
25yrs - Was I right to stay? I hope so, I think so. But I did tell them that I'd let THEM KNOW IF I wanted their opinions....and that it did not help ME or the marriage for them to pipe in with their vast marital experience.
What they really needed from me was reassurance that i would not uproot them to follow their dad, that their lives were stable and I was not going to move them. And that I'd be there for them, no matter where their dad's journey took him....I think your 13 y/o needs that.
Rick - all of what you say here is happening with my sons.
25yrs - I do NOT see doormat. (or the divine)
In fact, she was the doormat in her eyes, for decades. So where's the doormat part? How did she "play" YOU?
That she saw OM and you assume that she got physical, and therefore you are a doormat? For what? Not filing? Is that it? Just so I"m clear...
Rick - I don't understand how you could say she was the doormat? Do you mean that she felt unheard and misunderstood while she was fulfiiling her part a W and Mom?
Okay , why I am a doormat? How did I get played? Does this qualify as doormat or played? It's the lying about who she is with on her trips, it's the close to 1000 secretive phonecalls over the months, the romantic emails from him, the things I have heard her say on the phone to him that have no place being said if you're married. the mysterious sudden purchase of a birth control product that mysteriously was gone from the house while she was with him, the gifts given to him, etc. If I am getting lied to when she says that there is only a friendship then maybe I am getting played as I would describe it in defensive mode.
Okay, I realize that my feelings here are really about me, how it affets me, not what might be necessary for her right now. Believe it or not, I am seeing wisdom in much of what you say.
25yrs - I told you once that the "real journey in life is an inward one". The successful DBers here looked IN first. WE made the changes in our lives and became very attractive/attracting to people in our lives, including eventually our spouses. Takes time!
Your w needs to feel FREE TO CHOOSE you, not pressured to do so.
Rick - yes about W needing to choose me. Yes that I need to keep looking inward and my preoccupation with her actions are not me looking inward. Thanks.
25yrs - Take a communication class by yourself.
Rick - where can you find such a class? Did you take one that you can recommend?
25yrs - Let me suggest two responses for you when you feel compelled to give one. Neither response is doormattish, and neither response escalates or blames
Rick - I am really going to work on these. Thanks.
25yrs - Rick - you're so right. I only want a new track and believe that can happen. But of course, I need her to believe in it too.
25yrs - NO YOU DON'T....you do NOT need HER to believe in it now. Not for a long time. You need to show it to her
Rick - okay I think I finally see what you mean.
25yrs - Guilty conscience? Um, how about her mulitple issues from her LIFE and childhood as being the core here?? You told us she had trust issues the whole marriage, way before any OM exists. Don't project your anger and fear onto her here. Don't assume it's guilt --distrust was there before. Of course she has trust issues....wish she'd gotten help for them before
Rick - very good point. Thank you again.
25yrs - Rick, is it true that she never saw a T or shrink before the m was threatened?
And you did admit that you were critical of her. And that you did not respect her opinion. Can you see why she would Not want to "discuss" things with you?
25yrs - no, she never had any professional help. The fact that she of her own choosing is going to a psychiatrist now is a huge statement that she is ready for change, needs change.
Yeah, I can see why she would pull away from me. By a ceratin point I did not see her decisions as being anything but destructive. I wish I had, had some way of being outside of or above the affects of these things, but I could not, and I really did not know how to deal with it as a professional would. The 180 I need to do is simply listen, understand it from her perspective, not focus on its affects on me.
25yrs - Decide which approach to take and DO IT RIGHT and for a decent amount of time. THEN Decide if it's not working.
I can't say you've actually given it a real shot at this point due to how much you were all doing.
Rick - okay.
25yrs - STOP your sons from this behavior NOW. It cannot help ANYONE but it sure can destroy THEM, their image of her (which, lets' face it, given how you treated her before and what they saw, was less than respectful. Rick, I bet you wince at that comment. But I'm telling you I read your posts and your replies to my words and what I FELT
what I got as an intuitive feeling that has been consistent from you, is that you think your w is a mental and emotional weakling and she is NOT to be respected.
I think your sons felt that, acted on it, and want to punish her through you. And you must not allow that. If not for her, then for them. How are they going to see women now? And how are they going to treat theirs?
Rick - the boys were not looking to find fault in their Mom. The evidence they found was completely without their efforts. My oldest found out about her lying about who she was going away with when she was drunk and blurted it out. He kept it to himself and agonized over it for a month before he felt he had to tell me. He couldn't take the deceipt anymore because I was supporting her trips having no idea who she was with. In fact he asked her about it and she lied to him too telling him that I knew what was going on. I had no idea at all. She told me it was either alone or with her grilfriends. My youngest son found the birth control product by accident while looking for something of his. The poor kid kept this to himself for two weeks before he told me. He told me because she had left again for another trip and he was convinced that cheating was going on.
You say "given how I treated her before and what they saw"? I'm sorry but really this is way off course. What they saw all along was me loving her. They weren't part of the intimate details of our M, and in fact mostly always saw the loving side of us. They were aware of her issues by their own observations but what they saw in me was support. The pain and frustration of it was between her and I. You know I was frustrated for sure, not knowing how to deal with it, but that was between her and I. Yes, I have thought that her responses to her issues were weak, I didn't respect them because I felt it was the easy answer to blame me for things I never did even once.
BTW, my sons treat their own female relationships with the greatest respect, and by the way they saw that from me to their Mom all along. Everything she wanted to do I supported.
Look, you don't really know me and weren't around to see our lives over the years, so all you have to go on is what I write. I'm trying to objectively journal things but still caught in the mention of it as I wrtie it.
I really do get what you are telling me and know its for my own good, but some things are really way off base, and yes I get very defensive. I have a lot to work on and I realize that I am responding to you much the same as I would respond to my W.
25yrs - I think your w is "entitled" to some serious help for her problems from childhood which are NOT HER fault.
Rick - yes, and I did ultimately react defensively to them when they threatened to ruin our M. I did blame her for not being able to overcome them, and for how they affected me. I mean, her osychiatrist is having a reallt tough time helping her. There's layers upon layers he is trying to unravel. Yet, I thought she should just be able to use logic and overcome her problmes.
25yrs - What "people" volunteer this opinion to you? Oh, you are taking a poll? Stop it Rick. That's not DBing. Decide on an approach and give it a real chance.
Rick - you're right. I'm not DB'ing. I'm being a d-bag.
25yrs - Good luck Rick....try hard to listen to the divine in you.
Rick - yes. You're so sweet for being honest like this and helpign a total stranger.
I just reread a post from Telemark outlining the 37 rules of DB'ing. I think I need to read this everyday. I also reread the sage advice from 25yrs, 2TP, WHG, Mr Bond and others who have been so kind.
My W still lives with me so we have constant contact, and her and I do quite a lot together. All of the DB advice I have rec'd tells me to create distance at this time, go dim or dark, let her go, etc.; and it says that this will be extremely hard and very counterintuitive.
I have to admit it is so tough. I have made a vow to really DB full-time, and give my wife the time she needs, and from what I hear it can mean a lot of time.
I feel like I need a break from her too in that I need to GAL, learn to improve myself in terms of listening and communication. I have always had my own life - hobbies, passions, etc so the practiacl part of this is very easy. The subtle difference is that throughout my marriage I always had this emotional safety net of knowing that my W was part of whatever I did. I am adjusting to doing things myself and seeing myself differently than as a H/W team. I'm working on this.
I realize that over 90% of our comunication, and the things we do together are initiated by me. So, as I create the distance between us (which she needs according to her) and create a sense of mystery about me (DB wisdom) I am holding back on what I would otherwsie normally do. In addition, when I do things with my wife in this current situation, I really do not enjoy it at all. It feels so empty, and I imagine it cannot be fulfilling for her either. I hope the distance/detach between us helps.
For example, my W had mentioned to me that her company Xmas party was coming up and maybe its couples invited or not. She eventually told me that it was employees only. I said fine, have fun, and listened her talk fondly of the events planned for the party. She went last night by herself. This morning she told me the party was okay and that there were some very funny moments. She let it slip how she saw this other couple there that we both know. In other words, employees did bring others after all, I just wasn't invited by her. I'm hurt by that. I did not tell her that, did not inquire about when she got home, did not check on her, and engaged in her stories about her party in a friendly matter. I think I did well in this round of DB'ing. Also, a few minutes ago I almost texted her to ask how she is feeling at work today but refrained. I want her to really see what its like to be on her own away from me emotionally.
I had already asked her to go to my company party this Saturday night and she said she would go. At this point I feel it would cause more harm than good to uninvite her. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that I want to really do this DB'ing the right way. Given our current state of affairs I'm sure we will have fun (in a very surface way which we always do) but it won't be something we really share as H/W.
People tell me that I am fortunate my W still lives with me through this because it means she has not left me that way. I guess. I guess it gives her more chances to experience the growth in me I need to achieve, and for her to go through her psychiatric treatments. Sometimes, it can be very tough though, esp when she is on the phone with the OM at night. I guess it could be worse but I only know from experience this situation and do not know about separate residences.
What's tough about watching her go through her psychiatric sessions is that when she is with others - coworkers, OM, general public; she is outgoing, happy and carefree. When she is with me I see the dark side of what she is going through. And she has maintained a distance from her family, children and close friends so I believe she needs to be apart from anything that is a responsibility for her right now. I have to admit that when I see her happy with others, part of me winces inside because in my mind I am screaming "Hey, remember me and our M"?
I'm very nervous about Xmas day. This will be the fist one in our current sitch. What has been very difficult of late and will probaly be on Xmas is that she will be outgoing and affectionate to my sons and their girlfriends, all the while pointetly ignoring me in conversation, photos, etc. It's very difficult for all. What I have been doing is being above board, friendly, creating the best environment I can for all concerned. Inside however, it kills me! Hanging up the Xmas ornaments together as a family was pretty tough for me inside. I wanted to explode from the pain I felt, but was able to appear to calmly be a part of it.
Is it better to be separated while going through this, or should I thanks my lucky stars we still live together?
I really feel for all of you out there who have gone through this. I would love to know what its like to R someday!
I have to admit that when I see her happy with others, part of me winces inside because in my mind I am screaming "Hey, remember me and our M"?
Hi RickB89. This was very hard for me also. I found events where my W was having a great time even harder, given the circumstances. I think that's a pretty normal response, but it makes the DBing harder. I avoided some (not all) of those situations - I had more fun with the kids, friends, or just watching a movie. And W seemed to like the space.
Rick, I've found that GAL helps with this. For me some of this feeling was jealousy. Here I am at home, sad, depressed, and miserable and there she is partying like a rock star, having the time of her life.
Now I have my own fun times that don't involve her. And, at least for my w, much of her fun is alcohol induced and I know later she feels regret and worry over her need to have alcohol involved all the time.
Lastly I try to see things from her eyes. She is under incredible stress. Ys, self-induced, but that's not how she sees it, right? So I understand that she needs to go have fun and blow off steam and unwind. And since I'm a big source of her stress (again, according to her worldview) then doing things with me certainly won't undo the stress.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
I have to admit that when I see her happy with others, part of me winces inside because in my mind I am screaming "Hey, remember me and our M"?
Hi RickB89. This was very hard for me also. I found events where my W was having a great time even harder, given the circumstances. I think that's a pretty normal response, but it makes the DBing harder. I avoided some (not all) of those situations - I had more fun with the kids, friends, or just watching a movie. And W seemed to like the space.
Thanks!!!! I don't feel so alone in my feelings, although I wish this on no one else. Your response helps me keep on going!
Rick, I've found that GAL helps with this. For me some of this feeling was jealousy. Here I am at home, sad, depressed, and miserable and there she is partying like a rock star, having the time of her life.
Now I have my own fun times that don't involve her. And, at least for my w, much of her fun is alcohol induced and I know later she feels regret and worry over her need to have alcohol involved all the time.
Lastly I try to see things from her eyes. She is under incredible stress. Ys, self-induced, but that's not how she sees it, right? So I understand that she needs to go have fun and blow off steam and unwind. And since I'm a big source of her stress (again, according to her worldview) then doing things with me certainly won't undo the stress.
I couldn't help but laugh at your "partying like a rock star" analogy. Yeah, same here. My W really has been chugging the beer since the bomb dropped. That is one of her issues she has to deal with and hopefully that is part of her psychiatric sessions. She is definitely burying pain that way. She goes from zero to 100 MPH instantly fueled by beer. I don't know how she handles it physically as she is a teeny girl. Thankfully she is going back to her yoga regime this Friday and I am praying that she will replace the beer with this activity, but I don't know. She has unleashed the demons as she works her way through her psychiatric sessions and she tries to layer over it socially.
I'm starting to see this the way you do, through her eyes. It's an "eye" opener. Frankly, sometimes I worry if she will survive this - the issues, stress, etc. For a while she was talking suicide but I havent heard that for a while.
I'm DB'ing, suffering, growing, loving, praying, and GAL all at once. Thanks for your help. You're a hell of a guy to respond.
Is it better to be separated while going through this, or should I thanks my lucky stars we still live together?
From my experience, it's not better, or worse....just different.
I can tell you this.
Living together through this will be the the hardest thing you will ever do. It will test you every minute of every day, because it allows you to stay too focused on what she is doing.
It allows you to see her confusion , and her pain, while piling on to your pain.
Focusing on what she is doing will keep you from doing what you need to to , and will build excuses for not doing what you need to do.
It will allow you to remain in fear of what is or isn't going to happen. I.E. If you do this wrong, or don't do this, then she will leave.
Detaching from a live-in is nearly impossible. And I did say nearly...not entirely.
Don't back down from what is right for you and your family.
You may want to peruse the DB/DR books, and ask some questions about boundaries.
In a "Good fences make good neighbors" kind of way.
I keep DB'ing and GAL, and detaching from my W. I feel stronger and more confident every day, and with all of your help am getting better at this. I now have the ability to filter most if not all situations through what a proper DB response should be and many of the posts I rec'd here play through my mind as I respond to the daily challenges of living with a WAW. Thoughts:
- have any of you, as you pass time with as a live-in WAS, find that you are having trouble remembering the feelings you had with your spouse before they walked away? My pre-bomb drop days are starting to feel like a dream, or the way you remember a loved on who passed on.
- do any of you look at your walk away spouse and start to feel they are unrecognizable? I look at my wife and have trouble remembering the surge of love or passion I felt before the bomb. I wonder is this is self preservation at work? I can't even imagine being physical with her anymore. I feel love for her but don't know what to make of it.
- as each DB day passes and I have time for self reflection I find I am understanding myself better, knowing why I did things the way I did and knowing what to improve in myself.
- my W keep posting these inspirational quotes on facebook. I can't help reading into them that they are all about becoming her own woman, and I take them all to imply that she must leave me to do so. I realize that I am filtering all of her quotes through how I feel about our M, and my fears of losing it. In other words a very self centered reading of the quotes. For example one that read about the three C's - you must make Choice, take a Chance, if you want anything to Change. I immediately read this as she must choose to D me, and leave me in order for change for the better. I need to detach from reading these too. Another small DB victory.
- my W was expressing her guilt over not attending an event hosted by her friend last night. I quickly assured her that her friend would understand, but then realized that it was more important for her to be able to express her feelings about it, not ask me for a solution. I quickly mentioned that I certainly understand her feelings about this and expect that her friend would understand her not attending. Another small DB change for me.
- why is it that the weeks are blowing by too fast, yet each and every moment of BD'ing seems like at eternity?
- I constantly worry that guys are hitting on my wife (in additon to her EA/poss PA). I know, I need to detach here too. Very hard to do. Thankfully, I have been keeping these feelings to myself and not sharing with my W. Another small DB victory for me.
