TIMES THAT TRY MENS SOULS

[gunny]

Hello all, more advice, opinions needed.
When my s called yesterday, she made a point of asking me how I was doing. I told her that I was doing good, staying busy, which is what my DB Coach and many people on this board advise you to say. Everyone advises the LBS to sound upbeat, and project and image that you are getting on with your life.

I had a session with my IC yesterday right after the phone call, and she was of the opinion that my wife was giving me an opportunity to tell her how I was really feeling, and that I might have wanted to be a little more honest with her. She feels that in general, I have made it much easier for my w to leave, in that i have shown unusual amiability throuhout the whole ordeal. She thinks that the next time my w asks me how I am doing, I might want to say something along the lines of "thank you for asking, to be honest, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Not being able to talk to your best friend on a daily basis, when you did so for 14 years, day after day, is very difficult. The fact that most of our days were very good, and that we are still friends, sometimes makes it even more difficult. But I realize you are on a journey that you must take, and I accept that." She told me this because she said sometimes when you dont take advantage of these small openings from your s, you could give off the impression that you believe you are both better off being separate. It is a fine line.

I have had other friends, mostly women, but some men, say the same thing. They say I should be honest with her, but not in a whiny, feel sorry for me sort of way, but in a "I am very sad at the current state of affairs, am taking steps to find out and understand my part in the demise of our r, and accept your decision, but I would be lying if I said it is not the most difficult thing barring none, that I have ever done.

For those who are, or have been in this sitch, what is your opinion, advice?