I need advice for dealing with a WAW

[SamuelH]

If going dark is a last resort, do you think I should be doing something else before going dark? If so, what?

[sandi2]

I cannot think of anything else that would not appear to be pursuing.

If you will maintain the attitude you have right now, then going dark may be all that you have left. The holidays can be rough on people who are going through M problems.

My suggestion is to continue doing what you are doing now. Wait and see if she attempts to make any contact first. One day at a time.

[Accuray]

I agree, although you haven't been talking to her directly, I'm sure she knows that you've been talking to your in-laws about her. That lets her know you're still there and still pursuing her -- it's kind of "pursuit by proxy". That's not to say that what you've been doing has been wrong -- only that it hasn't been working so time to try something new.

Given that she hasn't reached out to you at all in seven weeks, I think all you can do is give her even more space -- I think your plan is the right one for now. It's December 7th. Why don't you put a date on your calendar for January 20th and focus on that. Don't reach out before 1/20. If your in-laws call, be polite and listen to what they have to say, but don't ask questions that might get passed along. Only talk about you and what you're doing for yourself.

Once January 20th arrives, you can either continue to stay dark, or you can pursue the advice of your MC's and reach out to her directly, or you can re-engage with your inlaws -- the point is to give *this* strategy time to work.

Good luck!

Accuray

[SamuelH]

Thanks so much sandi2 and Accuracy!

January 20th it is.

[sandi2]

How about an update Samuel?

[SamuelH]

Hi again. Sorry for not updating sooner, but I haven't been checking this site since the 8th of December... (Is there a way to recieve email notification when someone posts in one of your threads? I would have posted an update after sandi2 asked for one, but I didn't know she asked because I wasn't checking the thread...)

Anywho, There has still been absolutely zero contact between my W and I. I did not send her any gifts or cards or things for Christmas nor did I receive anything from her (I wasn't really expecting anything anyways). I also have not tried contacting her parents since I last posted. Needless to say, they have not contacted me either.

I was talking to my sister-in-law on the weekend who said that she occasionally sees my W on Facebook chat (I'm still blocked from her FB) and that everytime my SIL tries to ask her what happened my W just responds along the lines of "Hi I'm fine" and then goes offline or stops responding.

I also talked to our MC's (her pastor and his wife from the Church my W used to attend) this weekend and it seems they have little to no news either. They asked my W (on Facebook chat) what she was doing. Her response was one word: "Working". They told me that they feel like they should step in at this point and are going to leave my W a message telling her she owes me an explanation at the very least for what is going on.

So I guess nothing has really changed with my sitch. I was pretty busy over the holidays which really helped to keep my mind off of things. I find that now that the holidays are over and things are quiet again I am back to missing my W. The sadness comes and goes however. Sometimes I'll feel fine and happy for a week or two and then it comes back and it's like a crushing defeat and a fear that I may never see her again.

I've also started going to the gym in the morning before work.

[SamuelH]

So the 20th of January is rapidly approaching. Back in December I said that I would resume my attempts at contacting my W then. Is this still a good idea? What would be the best way to go about doing this? My pastor thinks I should write her a second letter stating very simply:

"Dear W, I love you. As your husband I feel you me an explanation of what is going on and what you are thinking."

I'm guessing that the words 'Dear' and 'I love you' would still be frowned upon here.

I'm thinking maybe I should try calling her parents, but they didn't really seem to have any information the last time I talked to them and they indicated that my W was even distancing herself from them. I'm guessing if I was able to contact my parent-in-laws all they would say is "no change" or "she won't talk to us about you"

I forgot to mention that last Sunday I received a message from her friend's mother. The message basically stated:

"Happy New Year Sam, Everyone down here is fine, hope you are too."

I'm thinking maybe I will this person and ask her if she has seen or heard from my W and if she has any idea as to what my W's plan is... Perhaps I could even ask her if she can maybe talk my W into opening up a line of communication with me....