Never thought I'd be here........

[25yearsmlc]

So I hoisted my son into the backpack and we went on a nice hike in the desert late this morning. I am learning to enjoy my time with him and not think too much about my W when we are together. Still, there are moments that creep into my head when I can almost see her here with us and hear her laughing along. I miss her tremendously in those moments and wonder what she is doing at the time.


don't assume she does not miss you at times either. She will tell you about it LAST....if at all....but know that it happens. Of course your son asks for her when he's with you doesn't he? We can assume he asks for you when he's with her. She feels more than you realize.


It's Sunday night and I have managed to not communicate with her since Friday. That's a pretty decent stretch for me - I had to fight the urge to send pictures of the baby but I was able to resist.


for now I would resist that while fighting about custody. Could even look cruel or like you are teasing her. Can you see how?


I struggled today with the notion of how much she must miss being away from him (as do I when he is gone). How in the world does she view that pain as "worth it" to be away from me? I am not perfect, nor am I the perfect husband - but I was the best I could be - never abusive, insulting, cared for her and the baby, and so on.

You are defending yourself here^^^. Why? Why not work on you?


Granted, I can look in the rearview mirror now and see some things that I could have done or done better -

if that^^^ is all you are doing with this time, then you are missing the opportunity of a life time.

Look inward and work on YOU.

You are all you control now anyhow, may as well work on something you are in charge of.


but I have a hard time seeing how those things could result in the end of a marriage.

I hope this time apart gives her time to reflect, time to think and time to just stop being angry and viewing me as the centerpiece of her unhappiness in life.

OMG...Wow Crimson, I can see you need to read DR again...um, I know you are in pain. Sorry!

But you are sitting around wallowing and wasting time, and NOT working on you! And fighting her on custody measurements that would make an accountant proud, and her taking things from the house too fast, but you are not looking in the mirror to change.

So how about NOT worrying about what SHE is doing with this time, and instead, doing something yourself with this time??!!


In the meantime, I am fighting every natural urge to reach out to her in the name of LRT. I can only hope that it is effective on some level.

Crimson

it will be far more effective when you turn that focus on yourself.

For all you know, SHE is hoping YOU use this time to make the changes she asked of you a year ago...

and you both will be sorely disappointed to learn that each wanted the other to change.

My brother and his wife, well, his EX wife now, went to mc. He told me they were going to mc so he could get his "wife to see how she needed to change".

Privately, my sil told me she hoped my brother would "see the light and change his ways".

That moment was when I figured their m was doomed...and it was.

Change you for you. Like other successful LBSers, you change first and then, you Do it again and again, x 100.

When you feel you are THE person you want to be and it shows and emanates from within

you will find yourself attracting AND attractive to others. She'll look.

Only when I truly believed I was gaining more than I was losing by having h gone and moving onward,

and that I would truly be happy, with or without h, did I get to a great place of detachment. I was happy and alright, even though I had a wound. It was healing.

My inner contentedness shone through and h saw it and noticed it --and began to want back in. It took awhile.

And I did not want to go back to crazyland with a cranky critical h

when I had made such strides on my own & with the kids.

I just came to know that I was better off without him, the way he was becoming.

Yes, he awoke, in several starts and jumps, seemed to be himself again,and I came around. That took time.

But you must stop obsessing about what SHE is doing. The only thing that might awaken her is you detaching

and moving forward.

She'll hear far more about you than you think, and you will not have to tell her ANYTHING about your GAL or your friends, etc. Let her wonder.

Having some mystery now would not be bad. Let her think when she has son, you are having a ball! NOT pining for her and him, but living the Vida Loca...

AND growing into the man she always wanted, only to be there for some OW after all she invested in you AND having your son, etc...

of course she'll regret things IF YOU are improved. But if she left you with reason and thinks you are still the exact same, THEN maybe not.

But ---Just detach Crimson, seriously.

(Since your name is Crimson, may I just say "War Eagle"?)