Never thought I'd be here........

[25yearsmlc]

reading your whole thread through....this struck me as odd.

if you divorce, she'll get HALF of all of it. So, since all she took was a bed for son, is it really so bad that she "asks" for half of what she owns anyhow?

I wonder if to her, maybe, she should not even have to ask.

Funny. No sooner did I post this than I got a text from W asking for the toaster ("if you don't use it").

Even though I am in LRT and trying to save my family I replied as follows:

"I am going to make a request and I hope you don't take it the wrong way - please stop asking me for things. You know it is still in me to try to provide and protect for you and that is not where we are anymore. I want to say "yes" to nearly everything because I still view your comfort and safety as my job - which I need to stop doing. We now have separate households and we need to take care of them ourselves. In the end, it will help me detach from you - and I believe that is what you would like at this stage of our relationship". "W, for now, Maybe we can divide the necessary things together so you don't have to do this in a piece meal fashion and I won't feel burglarized."

Kind of felt good to say that, but can't say that it moves me any closer to a goal of saving my family. Too much?

I thought it was off track. But hey, that's just me.

Crimson

still NOT clear on your 180s. Nor am I very clear on what she said, specifically, about you that made her want to leave.

Yes she said you were depressive and repressive. How so? Were you a downer? What are you doing about that NOW?

Can YOU name a way in which she was correct?

I ask not b/c I don't believe her, but b/c I want to know if you see it now so you can change it.

No matter what else happens, she will NOT come back to you UNLESS

she believes marriage to you now and from this day forward,

can be better and different.


What changes are YOU making in you, to show her that?

You spend far too much energy on what SHE is doing/thinking/planning

and I can't think of what YOU are doing to GAL.

Spend that energy on creating a new wonderful life for YOU and your son...(your w knows where to find you when she's ready.)

as for your sister telling you to "be realistic", she means well. But at this early stage, it's a bit silly to say it's hopeless.


Tell your sister you want support for the long run saving of the marriage, not todays bandaid to make you feel better, like an OW flirting or your sister removing all hope.

You can prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

For now, I would back WAY OFF your w, & assume she needs a good 6 months on her own,

and I'd use that time to become the best father you can be (no woman is unmoved by the loving interaction of her h with their children, it's a turn on)

and become a man only a fool would leave.


Bravely look inward and address your shortcomings, NOT so she notices but b/c you ought to be the best man you can become, for you, and for your son.

The real journey in life is an inward one.