Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

H just left for his work trip/weekend away with OW. I think today went really well from a DB perspective.

I ended up asking H if he wanted to meet me for lunch today...but, I couldn't go until about 1:30 pm due to work meetings. H said okay and when he met me, he just got an iced tea because he had already had lunch with his coworkers. I thought it was interesting he met me when he could have easily have said he had already gone to lunch (especially since I gave him an easy out because I went so late)

H got home from work in time for a family dinner with our three girls. The girls were excited we were all together. After dinner, H found the Christmas ornaments and we turned on Christmas music and decorated the tree. I can't believe that didn't pull on his heartstrings at least a little? When we were done, we had a fire going and H sat down next to me and put his hand on my leg. We each had a glass of wine and the kids were running around being silly.

H then went up to pack (I did sneak a peek into his little suitcase and didn't see anything unusual to give me a clue about his trip with OW...I was glad not to see a swimsuit or several pairs of shorts). I sat down by the fire and read a book. I didn't engage him in any conversation and he came in a couple times to make small talk and I was friendly but didn't say many words. He was also offering to help with various things tonight...hopefully that means he feels some guilt over leaving.

When he left, he came over, kissed the top of my head and gave me a hug. He said he'd call me later. He seemed a bit sad/lonely to me. I calmly said I'd talk to him later. He left to go get on the red eye flight.

Anyway, I told a friend via email...I feel like I really aced today...too bad the only person aware of the competition I'm in is me!

Of course, I'm nervous/scared that he can now go running into the friendly arms of OW...but hopefully this is the right approach by me to give him the space to feel bad.

I feel like the next few days are going to be one hour at a time...at least I do have some things going on to keep me busy--cookie making tomorrow at our church, work trip on Thursday/Friday (my parents are coming to stay with kids), and then hopefully taking the girls on a road trip on Saturday/Sunday.

M: 43
H: 45
D10, D8, D4
Married 12 years
EA/PA: 8/2011
Affair continues, H still in house