Sometimes parents and close friends that love you don't say the things you want them to. Why? Who really knows, but sometimes it's because you are so beautiful they de-emphasize it because smarts is more important to them than beauty. But I've seen the pictures on the alt, Antonia. You are beautiful and very pretty. Smart too, but both to be sure.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I totally get the idea of wanting what you want and not settling. I think that's important and totally ok. I get that.
But what I also think is that exploring means stepping outside your normal. To test.
I tested and continue to test all kinds of things in all aspects of my life. Some I found that, "yep, don't like that." While others I was surprised to see that I do actually like. Maybe I did all along or maybe I like them now. Either way, I'm exploring and testing and checking things out like I did before the bomb. Way before to be sure.
The journey is awesome. Breath-taking. Exciting.
Testing long held beliefs is not a bad thing Antonia. Stretching. Exploring. Living.
You may find that you are correct in what you want. You may find you want that and maybe a few different things as well. You may be surprised at what you find. You may not. But check anyway, gorgeous. Expand your horizons (and I am not just referring to dating or guys. I'm referring to your life as a whole.)
Partners come and go. That's ok. A season for everything and all that. But you will always have you
The part about xh and strength and all that? Stop worrying about it. Be you. If that you misses him then acknowledge the feelings and deal with them. Clear the decks and get ready for the other emotions as well. Deal with them. Then clear the decks.
You were married for a long time. You loved and still love him in a way. You let him go. You are still letting him go, but he's mostly gone for you. It's ok to miss some of that. Really.
But it's not ok to put your life on hold. I don't think you are. I think you are lacking additional data to compare. Your data is based on xh and your family where it concerns relationships. So it seems natural to use that yardstick. But until you have more data, and you will at some point, you just need to acknowledge what you don't know and let it go.
That's what I see. I could easily be wrong. I'm not wrong about you being very pretty.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
