2nd Thread - After almost 1 year, I keep going

[keep_going]

Thanks guys for the support and encouragement. It means the world to me.
I had a really sad moment with D4 last night.

When I was putting them to bed (I always make a special time out of this - lay down in each girl's bed, we sing, make up stories, laugh and hug and kiss a lot). My D4 got really sad and said "I miss my daddy."

I told her not to be sad - daddy loved her and he would come see her tomorrow. She started crying and said "I want my daddy and mommy together." This is the first time she can clearly and fully verbalize this to me and it was a dagger. Probably the most painful moment since our separation.

Before, she had acted out or cried and asked for daddy, but this is the first time she actually talks about us being apart. It took all I had not to break down and cry. I simply held her in my arms and told her that I knew she wanted that and that sometimes daddys and mommies could not be together, but that we both loved her very very much and would always be with her.

Ugh... so sad. My D2 was listening intently from her bed - she is so young, I don't quite know how much and how she is assimilating this whole situation. It suxx to say the least.

But I pulled myself together - for my kids. I put a smile on my face and sang and made them laugh. I cuddled with them for extra long time until they fell asleep.

Today I was down and just tried to keep myself busy all day. Didn't have to try hard - between pre-school, meals, diapers, laundry, bottles, baths, playtime, etc. I was pretty busy. This evening when I went to turn my awesome outside lights, they didn't work. I was so bummed and started to get frustrated...

Then I calmed myself down. Tomorrow will be another day and I'll figure it out then. For today, it's been more than enough.

Knowing that I was in a fragile state of mind, when H showed up to visit kids, I made sure I was my usual nice, waited until he got settled with them and told him I had to run some errands. I just think it's best if I am away... Don't want to risk an argument. I simply came to my favorite coffee place, logged on, and am on the boards. I feel better already.

Thanks for letting me vent and journal.
Tomorrow is another day...