I know what you are feeling right now. We all go thru this - good days, bad days. And sometimes, it's moments within days... It's part of this rollercoaster and it suxx!
Try to get the thoughts of the future out. Do not think about what will be when H comes back. Use the stop sign technique (I use it to get thoughts of H and OW together out of my mind). With practice, it will work. Or just get busy - clean, play with kids, read, watch tv, anything!
It does you no good to think about the future as a separated couple. As for the holidays, plan ahead. Make sure you spend A LOT of time with friends and family. You may not feel like socializing much, but at least having the girls interact with family will do them well and it will be a huge break from the daily routine for you (and extra sets of hands). Seriously - force yourself. It will be better than thinking about the holidays w/o H.
As for the tree, ask a friend or relative to go with you (also to help carry the darn thing...) Make it an event with the kids "today we will go pick a tree and decorate!). That's what I did. I was so down on Thanksgiving, that I said to myself "I refuse to give H the pleasure of me being miserable... And I am making an event of any little holiday-related activity. Tree, cookies, decorating the house, lights, etc. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY and don't get ahead of yourself.
As for your suspicions about OW, I am really sorry that you find yourself in this position. As you have probably read, that is by far the worst pain you can suffer and I sincerely hope it's not true in your case. BUT, if it was, it's not all over. A whole new set of triggers and causes for hurt and pain come along with that - it sounds like you think it's pretty certain.
You are doing great in your interactions with H, so don't lose momentum. IF you find out about OW, don't do anything right away. Take your time to assimilate the information and work thru your pain. I know I made so many stupid mistakes when I first found out because I was so hurt (and hormonal from my pregnancy...)
Hang in there. You can do it!!!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
