I have definitely felt a lot of what you are feeling now, Val, and I struggle with it myself. Unfortunately, the holidays are a very bad time for the LBS to DB -- so many warm, loving memories of the M can only dig deep right now.
As much as you might feel that a recon with your W is impossible, allow yourself to realize that anything can truly happen. People change, as do circumstances. What I find helps is trying to live in the present moment as much as possible. All we have is right now. Too often, we try to say "This will probably happen" or "this will never happen" because in doing so, we foster an illusion of control over the outcome of events. But you really never know what will happen until it does. Most of us didn't see the bomb coming -- perhaps a chance at recon can be equally deceptive!
Yes, perhaps your W is moving away from you even as you stand still, but that might not have all that much to do with you -- might have a lot more to do with her own personal journey. Let her go live her life and find herself. Maybe she'll find out after some soul-searching that she really had it better than she thought she did.
Also, I wouldn't give up all hope after the D. Sadly, we are taught to regard D with such finality -- D means never getting back together ever again! But really, it's just scribbling on some legal documents. People are far more complicated than that. Most of us feel that our WAS' believe that as soon as D is filed, then all of their problems will magically disappear! But, of course, they'll find that their problems are still there, regardless.
Hang in there and keep your chin up. We're all in the same boat here. (Well, except for people who have successfully reconned. Perhaps they're more like our Coast Guard. )
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