Wife just told me doesn't want to be married

[witz10]

Thanks MrBond.

The funks come and go all depends on what I am doing or have planned. I was pretty much ok the rest of the day. I enjoyed my daughter being in work with me. She will be in again tomorrow and then my kids sleep over. So I will be reading as much as possible tomorrow night after they are in bed.

The interesting part will be Wednesday morning when I have to drop my car at my father in laws shop. He is going to ask me how I am feeling and how I am doing. Found out last week he wanted to get togehter with my neighbor for a few drinks. I think he was doing it to get information about my W.
I am truly lucky to have in laws that care for me and never give us any problems. They might forget to feed the kids lunch every now and then but thats ok.

One day at a time, one small step for man one giant leap towards reconciliation.

[Autumn Leaves]

So anyone believe in the power of 11:11 or astrology?
Oh the things we do.

A friend of mine always says 11:11 is good luck, make a wish. So my kids and I have done that for years. I don't know that we necessarily believe in it, as much as it is a fun thing to do.

[witz10]

Autumn right now I am believing in whatever luck that possibly goes my way. It really has been that kind of year.

Got told today from my W that the separation agreement will be finished by the end of this week then I get to take it to my attorney.

For as much as I am trying to not see my W again I got my daughter today at work then kids sleep over tonight. Now I won't see her till this Sunday when we take kids to see Santa at my father in laws moose lodge.
Then next week we are taking the kids on the Polar Express train ride. Followed up with Xmas day. Which I am allowed to come up for breakfast and presents with kids then to the inlaws later in the day. My family is jewish so she has kids that weekend and I get them from midweek on till new years day.

I am not sure how she feels towards me I get mixed signals still. Last night I met her and my son at my daughters gymnastics and we were talking about friends and family, small talk. That was all. I am nice and helpful as much as possible but she keeps her shields up around me.

I want this to change and go back to what we were. Which I know we can't there were problems. For instance me not knowing I was mildly depressed the past 3 years since my daughter was born. Now I am out of that and different. I don't want what I have changed or becoming to be wasted on someone else I want this for me and for us. I want to live the rest of my life with the woman I married aka the love of my life.

Its funny how they say when you meet someone you just know for some reason. When I met her I knew I liked her then when we started dating 3 years later we both knew. So what the hell happened. Oh right LIFE and not the board game.

Keep my chin up and walk tall

[witz10]

just spoke with my neighbor and he told me why my w is slightly pissed at me. A few weeks back my mother in law was over and my w was sitting then up going into kitchen then sitting then up and kept going. So her mom told her to sit down and relax. Well this is the antsyness that her dad has as well. So i mentioned to my mil my neighbor told me this happened. She told my wife my neighbor told me and my w got pissed at my neighbor. She told him never to ask about or say my name again.
Kinda thought that conversation was between us guess not. I know she will always back her daughter. But this is one of the issues she is having being so antsy and not sitting still.
Back to the drawing board.

[MrBond]

"But this is one of the issues she is having being so antsy and not sitting still. "

Not any of your business any more.

[witz10]

Yea I totally agree just feel bad getting my neighbor in trouble with my W.
So I jumped right into DR and am reading the last resort section. Got my high lighter in hand and taking notes.
Here is my question what do I do when we are in the room together like this weekend at the Moose Lodge for Santa or on the polar express train next week. I know be an exceptional father which I always do with my kids and she knows this. But how do I handle conversation is my question without repeating or sounding redundent. I don't want to be rude and walk away. Like next week I might go see the new sherlock movie on friday then we have a run in the morning and train ride later on. I could talk about going to see the movie? Funny how you can go years of comfortable silence to this.

Onward and upward first star on the right straight on till morning.

[witz10]

How do you handle friends bad mouthing your W. I realize that pending on whom I am around I make some comments as well and need to stop or do I. She is the one with the OM and I was the one that was mildly depressed the past couple of years since my daughter was born. Made this realization within the past week. Will be addressing this tonight at therapy. Now don't get me wrong I love my little girl and would do anything for either of my kids. When she was born money was tight and I looked at her like she had a price tag on her head. Felt bad then and still do in a way.

[jbnati]

How do you handle friends bad mouthing your W.

The best I can tell you to do is to tell them regardless of what your W does, you cannot control what she does. You can only control yourself, and you're working on making yourself the best possible person you can be. I think it's fair to say you still love your W, if it's true. If you can, get them drinking your DB Kool-Aid.

[MrBond]

"I don't want to be rude and walk away."

Then don't. Talk to her as if she were your acquaintance and not your W.

"How do you handle friends bad mouthing your W."

First off you control what you tell them. You're looking for support, I get that, but does it really help you and your daughter to know that your friends think your W is a dirty wh@re?

The only people who are truly ever going to understand what you're going through are right on these boards.

If you hear your friends saying something negative about your W, turn to them with conviction and tell them that you would appreciate it if they would stop talking about your W that way.

[witz10]

Next question. I had my therapy last night. He did not get my emailed letter to my wife because he doesn't check his email at the office. Oh well he was doing that last night. His question to me again was am I looking to start dating. Now a few weeks back I did fill out a profile on match.com, however never signed up. Same with another free site. I will admit I look from time to time but don't feel ready.
I don't know if my W is still with the om or not. Over the summer she wondered why I did not start looking to date someone else. Well now it is 7 months since our separation and I am starting to think maybe I should. Maybe her finding out I was out with someone else might make her think. Like the beginning letter in DR where the wife was out dancing with other men and made her husband rethink.
I am not looking for sex maybe just someone to sit and talk with other then my guy friends or married women friends(of which I only have one). All other women I know are in there early 20's and they are too young and just want to drink and party.
I am not looking for validation here. Just other peoples opinions. I guess I need to know what is the timeline how do you know when it is time to do this.

I know this is weird. Last night when my therapist asked me this question I told him I can still see a future with my wife in my head. I can see us in couples therapy doing an exercise from Harville Hendrixs couples book.

Confused as usual. Amazing 37 years old two kids and life can still make you feel like your 14 again.

Thanks in advance to whomever answers.

I told my therapist last night I am very thankful for stumbling upon Michelle's book as well as this community page. Just wish I new about it earlier over the summer I would not have pursued as much as I did.