How do I gracefully handle this in a DBing fashion? W asked to take baby with her to Iowa to see her family the week after Christmas. Her just asking via text caused my heart to drop a bit and anxiety to set in. It would be the first major trip without me. That is emotionally hard to deal with. I know I can't stop it (well, leagally I could say she can't take him out of state but that would not be a wise move on my part). What is the best way to handle this with a WAW?? I don't even know what to say.
Crimson, Hey I am new to this "stuff" myself, but after reading the DBing books and all the posts on this site, I would do everything in my power to make sure that your W and son have a safe trip. If they are driving (not sure where you live), check the car out and make sure your son is traveling in a safe car. If flight be a freind and a father, get them to the airport and on the plane safely.. Again, I am new to this, but the one running theme I do see is be kind and be a freind to your partner.
Do you want your child to be with you during the holidays? You have an even split with her in terms of parental rights. First get rid of the fear. Put your foot down if you want your baby with you. Forget about the needs of your W for a change. What do YOU want?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
As a matter of fact, I would tell her that you had plans to spend some quality time with the baby during the holidays, so you're not sure about her request. Don't give her an answer. She may call you an @$$, etc. but whatever, you stick to your rights and don't give in. If you give in to this, she's going to keep asking you for more and more.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The problem is she is proposing taking him during her scheduled time with him. So I don't think it will come at the expense of MY time with him. Rather, I won't let it come at the expense of my time with him. Technically, she can do whatever she wants with him with her time. However, as noted, I can say she can't leave the state.
Sorry I'm not knowledgeable about custody issues so I'm just asking, if it's not the time but just the state border crossing, what is the reason why you wouldn't allow the baby to spend time at the grandparents' home this holiday season? What is the risk in that?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
None. My oppositional side just doesn't want him that far away and I am saddened because that will be the first trip without me. I am being small, but at least I am being honest about it.
I will reply and act "as if" this is a great idea and I am all for it. Guess that might be a 180 for her, too.
It will be after Christmas, but during a week when his daycare/Montessori school will be closed so we both will want time and my parents will be in town a for sure want time with him.
This is one of those times that I am going to have to check my feelings and ego at the door for the greater good. I'll just happily respond that it's a great idea and that he will have a great time with her family for a few days. Again, it's an "as if" as well as a 180. Man, his is hard. Ugh!
Maybe this is a dumb question, but can someone smarter than me tell me how a MLC manifests in a woman in her late 30's and how it may or may not correlate to a WAW? I have lately found myself wondering if that is what I am dealing with on some level.
