You said this, "The least of your concerns is men at this point, my dear. You *could* have a guy any time you like I'm sure. But just any guy won't do, I'm sure."
This has been part of the equation, learning to think this is true. People say it to me all the time but I personally don't have "evidence" of it, really...but in the past week I think I have some small hint of it. I was at that party the other night (you saw the dress on the alt)and a guy sort of sought me out and talked to me a ton...and he's divorced and single, apparently, a maintenance worker at my college. We have absolutely nothing in common. Nada. And I have been emailed often this week from someone on eharmony who could not be bothered to capitalize any word, including "I", in his email, who didn't write a complete sentence anywhere, and who misspelled the word "response." He also ignored most of what I wrote about in my response to his emails, even though half of what I wrote about was about him, trying to get to know him, and just seems to want to skip all that and go straight to dating.
So I guess technically I "could" have a guy if I wanted, with either of these two, but it's like my brain doesn't count people who have zero compatibility with me, which is just plain stupid.
When someone really awesome is interested and then I'm not, I actually think that will boost my self-esteem. I guess I just think "well you wouldn't have to be anyone special to attract either of those two guys." And if I have to derive feeling that I'm special from a man telling me, then OBVIOUSLY I still have an issue here with self-esteem.
It's my parents' fault, I'm telling you ;-) My parents did a lot of stuff for me and I'm very grateful, but I don't remember ever once being told I was pretty or beautiful or even attractive by them, even on my wedding day. Just "smart."
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
