Update: W asked me if I would consider S where we would not live under the same roof. She said the current situation is not productive (she did not define). W proposed a visitation schedule with the kids that included minimal contact with the kids. I told her that I wanted something with more contact and she told me she was open to suggestions. The strange part was during the conversation she asked me if I had hired a L. I said no (because I have not). She seemed "at peace" with me saying that. I felt myself backslide in the conversation because we got to taking about some of our negative past and I acknowledged that I had not conducted myself correctly. I told her I knew that now and told her she has never been married to the man I have become (pursuing, I know. I just could not help myself). She seemed to acknowledge that I had changed but she does not seem to know what to do with it or want to do anything with it. I sense she resents me making the changes now after so many years of nagging. I sense that she may have some interest in OM. I sense that she had planned a post-D life in her mind that is better than the M but that she is realizing now that such a life will be harder than she thought and that she will have to share the kids more than she thought.
Second backslide from last night: she said that we need to remember to put the kids first always. I said that putting the kids first means working on the M/R because D is the death of the family. I said that D was about the parent and not the kids. I said that D makes it harder for kids emotionally and financially. Maybe that was a mistake but I don't think it's something she has ever considered seriously because her escape fantasy is so strong. It seemed to make an impact on her.
I welcome any thoughts or comments from anyone on the board or anyone who has gone through the same situation? I would especially like to know what members think about the idea of defining the terms of a S or asking my W what the goal of an S is. Thanks.
