JS go to that church. Once you have been there a few times it may start to fill that void in your heart.You don't have to become a born again but the words and being with others will help. Your WAW needs to say means things to justify her behavior. The happier I become the angrier my WAW is??? Hang in there
PS; my D14 is awesome at doing laundry and cooking
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
----- I totally know what you mean. If W was leaving/decided to 'find herself' etc... that is one thing. I was ok until I found out that within a couple of weeks from the bomb, she was connecting with someone else, and it got physical within a few weeks...THEN i began to really feel it. I thought at first, well, this will be ok. W will work on herself. I will work on myself. We'll come through this. Turns out her working on herself was just a big old excuse to pursue this OW she'd been having EA with.... -----..it's a constant reminder that I don't matter to her anymore and I need to definitely find my own path. I'm getting there. Detachment is key and there are times when I THINK you get it...but then I'll read some of your words (below) and I wonder, "wow, Does IS get it?"
Last night we were talking about practical things like S, his xmas play, money things, etc... W told me she is ambivalent about me -- but when pushed to think about it, Why, dear God, are you "pushing" her to think about it some MORE???? Why is this talk happening at all? Why are you getting her to cement her negatives?
You truly think she'll slap her forehead and say "OMG, good question IS! I never thought of that. You are right, and I am nuts. I will come back to you now!"....???
Stop this already...please, you must not have ANY of these discussions again....
says she just doesn't 'like' me and doesn't even want to be friends . Hmmm... 13 years and I'm tossed aside like some garbage. I validated. I listened. I agreed that -- yes, I know, I understand why you feel that way.
Now I am slapping MY forehead! Why not leave the room???
BUT I DON'T really for some of it. The ANGER - the dislike--- I'm being left. I'm ANGRY, SAD, HURT and losing my family with no choice. And SHE's angry/doesn't like me, etc..... WTH??
Just rambling myself. Got to go to class right now. Thought I'd check in for a minute. Feeling ok i guess....I keep thinking of the old, was it Ramones? song --- I wanna be sedated....!!! Until perhaps next June or July????
sigh....
IS, you deserve better. Stop acting like you don't. Guess I made my point but truly I thought you were past this.
You only have her around a few more weeks. Make the most of them.
DIVORCE BUST for real!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
It sounds like you got some preliminary good news from the L. Good for you for going and talking to one.
I'm with Rick - you should give the church a try.
Also, I'm not going to belabor the point, but you're getting some outstanding advice from 25. It would be worthwhile heeding that advice.
One thing to keep in mind is would you rather have your W in the house when she doesn't want to be there or would you rather not have her there. I know you didn't get a vote, but right now it's a cheeseless tunnel lamenting the situation.
As always, sending hugs ((())) and prayers your way.
No, like I said, this wasn't me pushing, asking, etc... it came up ---from HER in the course of a practical convo about S and money, etc.... Her quote was 'when pushed....' not that I'm pushing -- really --for once I actually was really really good at it.
Why didn't I leave the room? I was trying to validate and listen so she could talk and get out whatever she was trying to tell me. I didn't start R convo --(for once :)) and I didn't argue, etc.
What started convo at all was that I want to have S on a night MIL gets him now, while i'm off on break. W said it will make MIL really mad ---and I said I am the parent, and i don't believe MIL needs to triangulate. He's not got 3 parents -- only two. I was attempting to firmly but in a kind way set a boundary that I think needs to be set now and that I should have set long ago. I believe it's totally wrong for me to have to ask permission to get my own son instead of MIL getting him. Am I too rash?? I remember the DB coach telling me that I need to do this --- and then yesterday the L mentioned the same thing. Boundary with MIL. Two parents, not three..... That's how this whole thing started. Somehow W started talking about how she doesn't 'like' me, and that's where it went.....
Really, I know I backslide and all that, but i actually did good on that one last night. When all was said and done, no arguing, none of that. I kept my head and DBed, as I said, pretty good to my understanding.
Have appt with other L next week, like I said, due to personal ethical conflict with first L. 25 you were absolutely right about the house also-- first L did mention that all the mortgage I paid, if I choose to and W is nasty, I can sue her for it. I smiled and thought of you.
House-- ahh... if i need to, I can buy another one--- just want little S to have some consistency and stability.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
yeah, JB I really would rather NOT have her at the house at this point. It's NOT good for my mental health. All the OW drama, texting, running off to meet, is in my face and I simply cannot take it emotionally any more. How some of the people on here do that----I am amazed.
I really think we need separation if we are EVER to work things out. We need desperately to get back to a point where we do 'like' each other..... I really don't like what W has become in the past few months.....I love her--- I love and really like the person I met and spent many years with. THIS person I'm living with, the alien.....needs to GO. Like I said, the only thing I worry about is S's adjustment to it all.
I have hope that perhaps we can start over with a totally new R one day, but if we stay in the same house much longer..... I simply cannot take the heartbreak in my face daily..... I am not cut out for it.
But, believe it or not, I really have learned some valuable lessons and really have done much better overall. Baby steps in my growth....but growth.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
glad you clarified IS. And glad you are getting some less frightening news on the legal and financial fronts.
You probably DO have to assert yourself as "the other parent" and once that is said, then enough said! Don't belabor the point but be really clear. You do NOT have to ask her...
I can't wait til you know just what your rights are so you can make it clear you are allowing MIL to care for him some nights, NOT the other way around...
Good stuff!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yes 25, I do feel somewhat relieved about the custody thing. I was under the impression that I was pretty much out in the cold in this state-- I'm SOOOO glad they actually take the CHILD's welfare into consideration. that's really all that matters anyway!
I was also very relieved that I can get a house (this one hopefully) on my own. Whew. Absolutely knowledge is power. My stress level immediately went down.
S had a Christmas play tonight he 'sang' in. W, my mom, MIL and I all went. S was funny, and we found ourselves laughing --- it really was like old times. Then I remembered= as soon as we left she pulled out the damn phone and started texting OW---and STILL is. We are getting ready to put S to bed, then I will go to my room and do some work.
Funny thing--- as a professed agnostic, I still send S to a private religious school which is part of a church. So basically i went to an advent service tonight, with a play. LOL. Perhaps God really does work mysteriously. I enjoyed it-- the service was nice, and it felt peaceful. Calming. S loves his school and I want to continue to send him there until high school, so i guess we'll both get a lot of religion in the meantime.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
IS, many years ago I attended services because it was an escape and brought me a few hours of peace. It need be nothing more for benefit to be derived.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
God does work in mysterious ways IS. Think about this W filed for a D which gets me to a divorce care group which gets me to church. Now I can't wait to hear what the service is about. The way I see it is that believing in a higher power is like falling in love or DBing. It takes time practice faith and patience. But eventually you get there. I can't wait to hear about your 1st church experience. I had not been to one in decades so I was scared especially since it was not a Catholic one. So glad to hear that you have rights also over the little man and the house. The WAS really scare the he'll out us don't they?
(((((()))))))
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
