I feel for you. I also have to co-parent with my H, who 's behavior is as erratic and sometimes cruel as I never thought possible. He loves our kids and when he is with us, he seems like he genuinly misses them. But when it's not his scheduled day to visit, he doesn't even call them.
My kids are so young and they ask about H all the time. They are struggling big time and my H thinks I lie when I tell him they do, because "they are fine" when they are with him. (Of course they are fine with him - he is the one they miss, duh!). H thinks I tell him that just to make him feel guilty. So I have chosen not to tell him. His guilt is so great, that he prefers to detach from them than accept the hurt he inflicts with his absence. His choice...
What can I do about it? I could get angry (I used to all the time, but doing better about it). Or I can focus on how I can make my kids happy. I spend time with them, make sure we have fun, I am very affectionate and always verbalize how much I love them. When I kiss them goodnight, I remind them that I love them, that H loves them and that God loves them. The last thing I need is for them to feel guilty about our problems...
Hang in there - our children are the innocent victims of all of this and it's better to swallow our pride, control our anger and try to co-parent - FOR THE SAKE OF OUR KIDS... They didn't ask for this and neither did we. But we are adults and can process our emotions and deal with the hurt. Our kids simply don't know how - they are just that, kids... (((( hugs)))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
