DBing against OW...?????

[Abbey]

You can do "dim" or quite dim. I did it with H by allowing him to ONLY phone and email. No visits, no hugs, no midnight rendezvous's, nothing physical.

You're expecting an apology and acknowledgements about his alien brain. You're not going to get that .. not yet.

Be pleasant, (as per what the C seems to trying to drive towards) and as Mish states, the minute the convo goes south, don't react, just disengage and say you'll have to pick up the convo later. Do not REACT to his nonsense. He has NO clue why he's doing it really, nor that he's really doing it at the time. Nagging him about it, needing him to acknowledge is a fruitless tunnel.

You want him to grow his brain. That comes at his own time frame. No matter how much good interaction you may get... don't expect anything until they're darn good and ready.

It's like training a puppy at this stage. You have to train them to treat you properly. Incidentally, even upon reconciliation, you'll find there are times where he'll speak to you, and you'll KNOW it's not you he's speaking *at*. I had to retrain things he'd say to me, (he and the OW were very snarky with one another.)... I simply had to say, hey, not nice, don't speak to me like that please. No excuses, no further discussion. It's a process. A long, long, long... bloody process and it doesn't end the day the clouds start to clear. It's only the beginning.

Abbey