Where to next?

[mishka422]

So let's call it what it is......avoidance! LOL

I've avoided updating anything because my mama always taught me to keep a smile on my face and suck it up. I hate being a whiner so I try super hard to just shut up but we all know how bad that really is for you and for those around you.

Things are going well with Gabe. We spend time together, we have fun and I just noticed something recently that seems to make him happy. He always has asked me why I love him. In the past my answer was typically "because you are you." (coward answer) or "because you love me" (even more cowardly answer). I have a hard time pinpointing reasons. How do you define a feeling? I have finally realized that he wasn't asking me to describe a feeling, he wanted specific answers so he would know what to continue doing!!! Good grief I'm dense!!! Gabe has a very quick wit. It's dry and unless you know him well you wouldn't catch it always. My mom never could understand if he was joking or not and would sometimes get offended by the sarcasm he sometimes uses. I personally think he's hilarious...in a subtle way. A couple of weeks ago he said something totally off the cuff that had me practically rolling. Once I recovered from that I looked him in the eye and told him, "that is one of the many reasons I love you. No one can make me laugh the way you do." The smile in his eyes when I told him that showed me how important that was to him. That made me start paying closer attention to his little actions and I've made a point of telling him more often just how much what he says and does plays into my feelings for him.

Good grief! If only I had noticed all of this years ago.

Now, of course, that doesn't mean that I'm getting my needs met but maybe through this I can voice what I need from him more freely. That remains to be seen. You all know how impossible it seems to me to tell anyone what I want or need.

Barb - Your comment about how your xh was always a 'dickhead' at Christmas made me laugh. Gabe always has been too but not in quite as extreme a fashion as yours. Gabe hates Christmas and all holidys because he grew up in a family that did nothing but drink, get in fights, and cry at every holiday or family gathering of any kind. I can't even imagine how scarring that would be. He laughs at my family because we are so 'white bread'. You know all those Hallmark card, Norman Rockwell Christmases? Yep, that was always my family. I told him I introduced some latin blood into my family to give us a little more flavor! He's not buying it but.......