2nd Thread - After almost 1 year, I keep going

[keep_going]

Thanks 25 - I will let you know.

I have been doing really well lately. Absolutely no drama with H. I am nice, pleasant, listen and validate.

His aunt turned 80 and there was a big family party on Saturday. I was not invited. H took the girls to the party and asked if I could stay with the baby. I said yes, didn't want him or kids to miss the party. It was hard... The worst part of this is how he puts me aside.

MIL and SIL were at H's house when I picked up the baby... I could tell MIL felt bad. I smiled and wished them all a good time. I also looked very cute and MIL made a comment about it.

SIL came from up North for this party... She is the only one in the family that H has confided in and told about OW. She even met her last time H was up there, since they live close by. SIL came over to my house the day before the party to hang out. I could tell she was avoiding any kind of talk about H. I get it - it's her brother. I respected it and didn't start any talk about it.

When she left, she did hug me and said I looked good and looked like I am doing well. I told her that I am happy with my kids and life continues. She said she was happy for me. She said she could not imagine what I am going through and how hard it must all be for me. I didn't say anything. I don't want H to hear that I am struggling or anything. Nothing but smiles and acting as if.

I am also doing better at detaching from H. I don't think as much about what him and OW might be doing. If I do, I get busy and focus on other pleasant things, like my kids! I am having a blast with them.

After Thanksgiving something clicked. I have been reading so much on these boards. Many things have resonated lately. Let go and let God... I am doing well with that. I decided to make this Xmas holiday as special as I can for the kids. Xmas has always been my favorite holiday and I intend to NOT repeat last year's. H left on 12/23 and I was literally a walking zombie or crying uncontrollably when alone.

The tree looks amazing - girls love it. I also spent Saturday putting Xmas lights outside. Hard work but it looks great. Also spent time with friends - lunch and also hosted a brunch at my place on Sunday morning.

I also finally bought some basic tools. I am tired of asking H for tools. Some days he is nice about it and others, like Saturday, he is just rude - bothered that I ask for them. He probably thinks I ask for them as an excuse to see him. He has three hammers at his place - I went out and bought my own on Sunday. I will continue detaching and keeping myself away from drama and pain.

He is on his own. And when he comes around, he finds nothing but a nice and pleasant me. He also sees that I have a life. He sometimes asks about my plans - I am vague, but nice.

Overall, I do feel I turned a corner this past week. I am more at peace and feel stronger to continue my journey. I will continue DBing, living my life for me and my kids and keeping the door ajar for H, should he decide to look back. It won't be any time soon though, if it ever happens. This will be a marathon and I am just approaching the one-year mark... So much more to travel...

But I feel strong today and willing to keep going