Curve balls? Heck, I don't even play softball!!!

[25yearsmlc]

IS,

well, the good news is that you saw the L and all was not hell! I knew you
had some rights and like I said, knowledge is your friend.

You don't HAVE TO DO anything with it, yet...but now you know, or will soon. YEAH...

No I don't think they get meaner when you are kind IF you do it in a way that clearly shows you are NOT expecting anything in return but possibly courtesy. By NOT waiting for a response or by leaving the area, you make it clear you did not expect something from them. Then they are left with your gesture. IF it looks like pursuit, they'll resent it. If not, they'll take it. MAYBE they'll think "may as well since I'm here anyhow" but I do not happen to believe they ever say "Oh gee I sure will miss this, maybe I should not leave."

Later on, if you are a great chef and where they go, does not provide good food, THEN they will be free to examine their choices. As of now, they feel so trapped it is hard for them to see straight.

If they are rude to you in response, it's fair to stare at them like the nasty aliens they are becoming, but let them sulk alone.
They can embarrass themselves with such Contrasting behavior that THEY even notice it. But make sure you are Not over doing it.

The laundry is an odd thing to be doing for her now. I'd put it in a separate hamper and just do your own, but say nothing of it.

She probably won't mention it but she'll notice that you are not making such an effort

and that is a good thing for you to do now, while you can.

...she can figure out where her crap is for God's sake.

I would NOT trust son even at age 10 with laundry though. (Rick's d must be great at it b/c frankly, I don't trust my h with laundry of MINE b/c he doesn't seem to read labels...Towels and jeans are fine, but that's it.)

anyhow...

IS, I have been excessively nice to my WAW and it has been met at best with indifference. I even bought her a bed when I found out she was sleeping at night in a sleeping bag in her new place (that image broke my heart).

Crimson, this is way over board imo. It probably embarrassed her. It points out that she needs you, and if she felt dependent on you and now wants space, this was not the gesture to make, imo. Can you see my point?


It took a few days before she even acknowledged it or said "thank you". Since then, she been right back to cold, distant and occasionally kind of mean. So I am beginning to see that nastiness is pattern in walk-aways, but I don't get the psychology of it. Maybe each case is unique and maybe there are common threads in all of them.


There are certainly common threads. But it's far too easy for some people to get angry or hopeful based on someone else's experience. We are all just here trying to help those who come after us, or who are in it with us then. And

mostly we have learned what does NOT work...so we try to pass that on...


I have chosen to go as dark as I can given the fact that we have a 20 month old son together. It is hard and I, like you, sometimes wonder of pulling back this far will just greater increase the distance of someone wants to be free of you. At this point I am running on pure faith that it will work.


Crimson, what were HER reasons for wanting out? I mean that does matter and affects the approach you take. Where is your thread? I'm sorry if I missed that post.

Tonight I wanted to send a picture that I took of our dog standing over our son as he slept on the floor in a blanket. I know it would have touched her emotionally, but I dug deep and resisted. Soooooo hard.


IMO, the one thing or type of contact that seems to be appreciated and is safe IS that type of contact. Just an "fyi, thought you'd like this" and then say no more. ALL about the baby...

nothing about you as a couple or family, just the son in the picture is a nice gesture that usually is not seen as pursuit IF THE WORDS with it are not pursuing words...



Side note: before I found the books and this site, when I was über stressed, depressed and sad, I was putting the baby to sleep and completely blacked out and hit the floor, not unlike your W in the shower. Lack of sleep, not eating and an abundance of despair took a toll on my body. I am still down several pounds, but I am eating again and not passing out anymore. Your W was probably feeling the same.

Hope things get better.

Crimson

hope YOU are feeling better and eating better Crimson! Sure, the DB diet is effective but we like the idea of health - so remember, you gotta eat something decent every day, and sleep every day, and get SOME Peace, every day...everyone needs that.