Curve balls? Heck, I don't even play softball!!!

[workinghardguy]

I have that fear that so many others have expressed about detaching and having W and I just continue to grow apart and go our separate paths permanently.

See... this is the Jedi mind-trick part of this that suxx. I think you have to at least be willing, internally, to go down your own path permanently before this even starts to work. I know I can't quite get there yet. I am getting there, but it's so hard. I do ok until I think about my W dating some other guy, some other getting the passionate hugs and caring touches and kisses I used to get. Then I don't do so well. But I know I have to get to a point where I have my own path and it doesn't involve or need her.

is it 'script' for WAS to be nastier and more distant the nicer you are to them???

Yes... at least for me it is. My general experience has been my W sees me being nicer as pursuing. If she asks me to do something then not so much, but if it's a bolt from the blue then yes. I ran to the store the other day to get Christmas lights. I texted her enroute and asked if she wanted a soda. I came home to a cold arctic front moving through the house. WTF? Then I realized... I overreached. Just force of habit, and it was only a soda for goodness sake.

Last night she asked me to grab something for her while I was coming through town. That was received with a thank you and everything was sort of our normal status quo when she got home. I guess the difference is in the first I initiated and obviously had to be thinking of her in order to ask. In the second it was for her own needs and didn't involve me having to think about her other than to answer my text message.