just floating...need direction!

[abbey1989]

I guess I just don't really know the best way to confront. Or maybe it doesn't have to be a confrontation, but just a calm discussion about a job he is doing in the neighboring town. I don't want it to seem like I have been spying.

I ended up leaving the info on his office chair, left it there all night but he never saw it so I snagged it in the middle of the night. I was sick to my stomach and couldn't sleep. I feel like I'm living with Jekyll and Hyde. The morning after I was up all night worrying, (and sick with cold/flu), i went to work and then he brought me starbucks to the office. That was nice. But then he can be sneaky and deceiptful and I don't know that I can ever trust what he is telling me is true again. Last time I brought up the subject, he didn't speak to me for over a day.

UGH. I know I need to work on me some more. I just get so *amn angry sometimes. I just want everything out in the open but I'm not sure i'm ready to deal with everything that will mean.

I am now working full time in kind of a sucky boring job, making half of what I was making 5 years ago just to provide benefits for the family. H hasn't brought in a paycheck since Sept. yet he always seems to have cash. He never uses his debit card to pay for anything. I think his M.O. is to go to the gas station, and get cash back there. Untraceable.

S20 is moving home for school next semester. He wasn't super happy at the private school so we all decided why spend all of the $$ if we didn't need to. He just has a couple classes to finish and then will transfer to a public univ. next fall. He even applied to the local college where the OW skanky B works. I told my son I hope he doesn't go to school there, and that I can't stand that place (I went there last semester when I found out that is where she worked!). He keeps asking me..."mom why do you hate that school?" I just tell him I have my reasons.

So...that's all for now. H did stay home all day Saturday and helped me decorate for xmas and then yesterday he was also home most of the day but managed to "ecape" to a "bike shop" for a few hours.

H always finds excuses to be in her neck of the woods. He doesn't even have a ligit project over that way (except for hers).