Forgot to mention - W also said that I was too disconnected from the family. She said that I was on my iPad, BlackBerry, Mac too much. Granted, she did the exact same things more or less - but again, I can see her perspective.
There was a debate earlier this year in which she asked me to stop bringing my iPad/BlackBerry to bed. For several weeks I stopped. Then I would come upstairs to go to bed and she would be typing away on her BlackBerry. To me that said "this isn't a problem anymore" - so I brought mine back to bed. Never should have done that, because she was angry about it and let me know during the D-bomb drop in September.
She said I never sat at the dinner table with her and our son. Further supporting her claim that I was disconnected. I can see how she would see it that way - but whenever there were actual "dinners" where we cooked I was always at the table. If I walked through the door at 5:45 and she was feeding herself with one hand and feeding the baby with the other and there was really nothing made for dinner - sure, I would grab a sandwich and sit on the couch and watch the news. I retrospect, I could have done that differently if I new that it was that upsetting to her. Notwithstanding, any time she asked me to come to the table I always did.
I never FELT disconnected from them - I loved being around them, they were the center of my world. However, I can see how she could see it that way. My 180 now is to spend as much time engaged to my son as I can when he is with me. Hence the hikes, trips to the zoo, etc. - I make it about him as much as I can. Again, the down side is that even though it is a good change that I am making for myself, she will never have a chance to see it - unless I just go and trumpet it in her face, which I will not do.
In unrelated news, not communicating with her is so freakin' hard. I want to text and say hello or ask how she is doing - but I know that is not what is right at the moment. I question if it would even be welcomed at this point. I haven't so much as typed a word to her since Friday - and that was during an uncomfortable exchange regarding who had our son and when. That is probably the longest I have gone without communicating with her since I met her. I am proud of my resolve, but again fearful that lack of contact will result in her growing even more distant. I hope that going dim/LRT is the right thing to do.
