One last thing. I'm asking these questions because I feel like the wall that was in between my wife and I is starting to come down a bit. I guess I am seeing glimpses of the old W instead of all monster. Or am I?
I know she will never be who she used to be....but I think you all know what I mean when I say "glimpses of the old W".
Juournaling....W seems to be very happy lately. Even called this morning just to tell my D to have a good day. She starts her new job today too.
Frankly, her happiness frightens me. I do good DB'ing when I don't feel like she's dating anyone. I know I have to stop mind-reading....I'm worried she's happy because she's in a relationship with someone. Do I know this for a fact...no. I have dreams about it though...a lot of them. Last night was a very realistic dream...too realistic She could be happy about starting a new job or a thousand other things. I'm glad she's happy. I really am. I just wish it was with me.
This week has been rough too. I've gone through line by line all my transactions for 2009 and 2010 for a tax audit. It was hard seeing purchases made for anniversarys, birthdays, etc. Little did I know those were are last.
I haven't detached as much as I thought. Looks like I have a lot more work to do.
Just received a text from my W asking if we could talk about living together because the kids being in two houses is tearing her apart....
I love her and I want her back...but not this way. I want her to want me. I'm sure she will say we can work on us and what not...but there has to be some proof that she's serious. My kids are having a hard time with their mom leaving. Why would I do that to them again? Watching mom leave again would crush them.
Personally, I don't think it would be healthy for me on an emotional level. I've come too far to go back to what we had. I love me too much and I deserve better. I deserve a wife...not a roommate.
She asked me to sell the house and move into the apartment with her. I told her this is something we need to talk about face to face. Even if she says we can work it out, I think we still need to be apart until I know, and she knows, it's the real deal.
What has happened to me? I would have killed for a chance like this a month ago.
I'm thinking I should be expecting to get blasted by her when I tell her no. She's gonna be mad and cut me off.
Any advice on how and what to say to her? How should I approach it? Should I be upbeat or somewhat serious?
Well the W and I talked about moving in with each other. I'm not going to go into too much detail right now...my brain feels like mush.
It looks like we are going to work on us right now. We had a good talk. She asked if I could keep my house and stay with her at her place to see if it works out. I told her that all dating and stuff has to stop. I also told her that I'm not staying there every night nor am I going to be paying her bills.
Her big concern is the girls being in separate houses. She says that she still loves me...but not in love with me. However that can change.
I told her that what we had before is dead...we have to have something different.
Anyway, I'm very apprehensive....as I probably should be. I'm probably going to try it out...I'm hoping for the best.
