Hi CL. It was a long conversation, starting on the turnpike and continuing at home. I was sick and I have bad pet allegies that were triggered during our visit to our friends house. And I think she was upset that I wasn't holding my own in socializing. (My buddy is a very confident, outgoing guy, so it may have been a comparison) That was the trigger. Then she revealed that I wasn't confident enough, aggressive enough in my job, that I was tentative....oh, this is no fun to recall.....she was saying that I was coming off weak and I didn't give her confidence, and it was unattractive (that was my take, later on). We had recently moved, had to move in and out of short-term apartments, building a house, make new friends, and starting a new job in my field is very complicated, so I was trying to balance it all. (I did it, by the way, just not with style and an air of confidence as she might have wanted).
After many hours, I was pretty convinced she didn't respect me....and was having trouble being attracted to me. It was awful.
Years later it still dogs me, though when we discussed it once or twice she claimed to not remember the conversation at all. but said if she did it that it would have been a horrible thing to do to someone.
It took me a longer time but I think I know now that she was a little scared about the future and looking for me to be a strong confident leader. I was doing well but was stressed and I worried and complained too much in front of her. I was counting on her as a friend, laying too much of my concerns out in front of her.
Specifics? Not so much. My W doesn't like to talk, especially about things like this. It is a reflex she learned to survive her childhood.
My W doesn't make it easy to lead.....she's usually out in front and doesn't like to "follow", even a little. And she fills our life up with lots of "things"....mostly very good....but often gets in over our heads. Until I learned to say no, the pattern was that she would overload our life (again, with good things) until I collapsed trying to make it all happen.
I eventually learned to occasioanlly say no, the arrange things in life so that I can be the person I need to be and she needs me to be. And that's what I'm trying to do for my DBing.
hmmmmm, long reply. sorry you asked probably.
In any case, I did fine this weekend. Enjoyed it. Sorta happy 'bout that.
