DB'ing is soooo hard!

[bustorama]

[quote=2thepoint]"...I really haven't gone dark on her, really....I really have become her manservant in that I am there for her in every way possible because I love her and want this to work, but she is absolutely not there for me in any way."

Can you say DOORMAT?

I wrote the below about myself self-mockingly in Aug, 2010 because I tried the above path at first. Needless to say, it is not what busted my D. It is not attractive or self-respecting to be obsequious. If you don't respect yourself, why should your W?

Today, I sent my W 3 dozen flowers and some chocolates and got a mariachi band to go to her work and sing her Candela and I am filing her toenails at her lunch hour and brought her some sushi I rolled for her. Then I texted her a few times and when she didn't respond I called her and cried some and told her FROM MY HEART that I had changed. I e-mailed her a list of 500 doctors and massage therapists she could look into for herself and told her I could drive her to any appointments. I offered to scrub her toilet (with a toothbrush like she likes) and said I didn't mind canceling my plans with my friends cause she was worth it. She patted me on the back and said she felt closer to me.

I'm a little tired, not sure why I feel dissatisfied. Maybe I should try harder. Let her know how I *REALLY* feel. That I will do *ANYTHING* for her.

"I feel like you do. If I go dark it will be easy for her to just let our M drift away for good. So staying connected to her feels like the only way to keep hope alive."

I agree with what 2tp wrote and, also see the msg and video I posted recently on 2tp's page.

"If I go dark and GAL she tries to find ways to find deception in my actions. I feel like if I go dark then I am just giving her ammo back at me even though I would not being doing anything that would threaten a M."

You don't necessarily have to go DARK. It's fine if that is what you want, but you can be detached without being dark, and the most important thing is to be emotionally detached, while living your life accepting her decision not to be with you. It's fine if your W hears snippets about and sees glimpses of what is going on in your life, she may get curious about what you are up to, and why you are not available to her or her lapdog anymore.

"I don't want her to be able to cast doubt on me by my GAL activities. Not that they would be anything bad for a marriage but she tries to twist everything possible into that."

What constitutes appropriate GAL for you is a personal decision. I didn't personally date, but I did do social things in groups that included members of the opposite sex.

If she says something, you can simply say, I am a little confused. You fired me as your H. But if I'm hearing you right, you sound concerned/angry/worried about what I am up to?" and then just listen

What are some activities you would like to either try or get back into that you have put to the side for too long? Consider this as an opportunity to self-explore and rediscover what Rick likes.