empowerment over, just had H pack his bags

[canadianMrs.]

BM, thank you for asking, that is sweet. I am doing so much better. There is still adjustment to all the changes, but I feel like I am healing. The other night I went Christmas shopping with my sister (also my reclaimed bf). I laughed so much, i actually startled myself. I had missed laughing, being light hearted, and just being goofy with someone...the "old" me is coming back. Being back home, I'm always running into old friends and my calendar is filled. Life it hectic, but I feel alive. The kids are involved in so many activites too. Some may look at me moving as a bad thing, but my D10 told me the other day that she sees me trying new things, and it made her try out for her school musical...which she got a part! I've even become closer with my inlaws after years of a strained relationship.
H and I are still figuring out what we are to each other, and I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about him. Its all a work in progress right...somedays I still do look back and ask why, but I am starting to feel like while I could have done withhout the affair, H and I both needed to take this journey to evaluate our own lives and our relationship. I still do believe he is in MLC (just found out he got a huge Tiger tatoo on his back??!?!) but that there were some control issues etc/selfishness to begin with on his part...they've just been magnified with the MLC.
We are starting counselling in the next couple of weeks. There is no real plan for what we want out of this. After knowing each other since we were 13, I think we both have a hard time knowing where to go from here, so this will give us some guidance. It's with someone new who is highly recommended, so we will see. I will keep you posted. Thanks again.