Mishka, how did you and your husband end up back together after a divorce? I am currently separated and I am really having a hard time...not as hard as the first month (it has been 2 months) but I feel like because I need to 'detach' and get a life to be able to function that I also get worried that the detaching will become permanent. My H says he wants a D, but he doesn't really act like it-well...he does in that he moved out Oct 4th, a couple weeks later stopped wearing his ring, but he wants to see me, go on dates, talk on the phone. I think he almost says things in a way that would 'restart' our marriage under different circumstances (i.e. him not being so passive and not speaking his mind and me not being as controlling/bossy) He is involved in an EA, for 3 months now...she lives 12 hours away and I am certain he hasn't seen her-he is a serious planner and wouldn't just jump in a car and go, when I told him Friday-Just go see her, get it out of your system (she is an exgirlfriend that he dated 20 yrs ago...we have been together for 18 years) He said 'NO!!' 'I am not going to be controlled...not by YOU not by HER I will use my OWN timetable not yours or hers'. But as he was saying that, I just got this gut feeling he is never going to see her and never wanted to see her...just wanted to unload his pent up anger about being passive and not speaking up. He talked to me a LOT the first month about things he 'stuffed down' and things I never knew and I apologized for my part in not being open to hearing him when he was nicely asking to see a marriage counselor (I had a 15 month old that STILL wasn't sleeping through the night and my H was feeling ignored and neglected and I was sleep deprived...she is now 2 1/2 and sleeps and I can see very clearly...through my older kids and husband that I had checked out in a BIG way for all of them). I need some hope and to hear other people's stories of reconciling so I can keep my spirit up!
